Not Crazy, Just Different
by Skye Rocket
Summary: Darby Holliwether is a fifth year Gryffindor when Harry comes to Hogwarts. Read her diary, focusing on her two main loves/obsessions: Bizzy (her iguana) and...Percy Weasley...
1. Darby Holliwether & Percy Weasley Love?

Not Crazy! Just Different! By Darby Holliwether (with help from Skye Rocket, right guys??)  
  
Disclaimer: I only want to say this once, so Darby's journal can be read in context, right? Heh heh heh. So: I OWN NOTHING! Thank you much.  
  
~~~~  
  
August 31st 7:30 PM  
  
Darby Holliwether here, reporting to you from the Gryffindor dormitory at the first day of my fifth year. Not much has changed around here. My hippie Muggle parents still have a witch daughter who they've named 'Darby Clover Holliwether,' who is a fifth year Gryffindor (but you knew that, right?) at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I prefer to be friends with guys, rather than girls. I moved from America when I was six years old. My best friends are Oliver Wood and Percy Weasley. A mismatched pair if you asked me.  
  
So, Harry Potter had finally arrived at our humble school. As has the dreaded Malfoy offspring: DRACO MALFOY. Although a royal pain in the, well, you know what I mean, not that bad looking, if you asked me. But still, an eleven year old Slytherin? Not over my dead body!  
  
Tragic goodbye today. Had to depart on the Hogwarts Express, leaving behind Chandler and Sammy (my parents, of course. They have some weird thing with me calling them by their first names), and of course, dear Bizzy, my lovable pet iguana, the poor baby. But at least I get to come be with my friends, and that's always good, right? At least I got a guarantee that Sammy will feed him every day, just like me, send me pictures of him and Jolly Ranchers also (MAJOR SCORE!) whenever I send back my owl. I don't think Chandler is too keen on Bizzy, my poor baby.  
  
Had an interesting conversation with Oliver and Percy tonight at the feast. It went something like this:  
  
O: So, Darb, did you meet some boy over in the States this summer, falling madly in love and forgetting about me and Perce here forever?  
  
Me: Not even close, doofus. Stuck babysitting for the cousins mostly for two weeks while our parents went out and had fun.  
  
O: Oh! So you're keeping fellows out of the way? Telling them to wait in line behind Percy?  
  
[At this point, Percy and I both turned bright red and stopped looking at each other for several minutes.] When I finally got the nerve to go on, I shot back with:  
  
Me: Nope, I'm saving him for you, Oliver dearest.  
  
[It was now Oliver's turn to blush.]  
  
P: Why do any of us have to like anyone else in this little group of ours?! Especially me and Oliver!!  
  
At this point we all agreed to drop it.  
  
But I think I just realized something weird.  
  
I think I like Percy!  
  
I know, it is messed up. He's so weird and focused on his work and stuff, and what with wanting to become Head Boy and what not. But still. At least the two of us are friends. Although he knew me when I used to think that my parents were the most normal people in the world and I liked to read Batman comics instead of books about Einstein and fine works of literature (although I still have a weakness for Batman). There are positives and negatives to that. Still. I remember that when I first saw Marcus Flint at the train station on the first day of first year and thought he was the Ben Affleck (pathetic, I agree) of Hogwarts.  
  
If Ollie were to find out I would have to feed him to Bizzy or something. But then I'd have to find a new Quidditch captain to make friends with. All the girls like him; I just don't get it! Then again, most of them have never seen him in his Coca Cola jammies at two AM when I stumbled out into the common room to get a stack of pictures of Bizzy I had left out there and he had fallen asleep in his PJs in front of the fireplace.  
  
Should I tell Percy? Well, what can you say to that? I can see it now!  
  
Me: Perce, I know we're best friends and all, and that you've seen me at my worst, and that you love working so much. But I have feelings for you.  
  
P: *blank look* Why are you telling me this, Darby? Do you assume I care? *hysterical laughter ensues*  
  
I don't think so! But, you know, maybe I should just run this whole thing by Oliver. He's a dude, right? Well, last I heard he was, but you know exactly what I mean. Or at least I can hope you do. But if I told him and he told Percy, I would be forced to take his broom and beat him over the head with it! If anyone is telling the dude I have feelings for (Percy), IT WILL BE ME! Sorry, I just got a little carried away in that respect.  
  
I know! I'll list his pros and cons! I am such a little genius.  
  
PROS ~ He's nice. ~ I guess he is a cutie in his own little way. ~ He knows a lot about me. ~ He isn't obsessed with Quidditch *cough* Oliver *cough* ~ He had his own dry sense of humor. ~ He's a hard worker. ~ He's smart and responsible!  
  
CONS ~ He has a bit of a SICK, SAD obsession with becoming Head Boy.  
  
Whoever made this system up is one messed up doofus! It's easier to think up pros than it is to dream up cons! That is not a fair trade, okay? Grr.  
  
11:17 PM  
  
Can't sleep, clowns will eat me. I will tell Oliver tomorrow! I swear it to myself. We'll see what happens, and I'll keep you posted.  
  
11:22 PM  
  
If Ollie laughs at me, Bizzy will NEVER be hungry again. Sammy doesn't like feeding him crickets. She and Chandler would love that! I tried to tell Chandler that all he had to feed Bizzy was lettuce and grapes! But he would have none of that. Even after I told him Sammy would feed the crickets to him and he'd take care of the vegetation. Honestly, I love my dad, I really do, but sometimes Sammy is braver than he is. Weird huh?  
  
12:06 AM  
  
What will Percy SAY???????? He's SO shy! I'm nervous about this.what if he reacts all weird??  
  
~~~~  
  
Well, that's all! Hope you enjoyed! Reviews will be appreciated!  
  
Bye!  
  
Skye Rocket 


	2. Oh, the Humanity!

Not Crazy! Just Different! By Darby Holliwether  
  
September 1st 10:48 AM  
  
Professor Sprout is lecturing Flint for picking a fight with Ollie in class, so I thought I would write right now. Holding this book up, as Perce is sitting right next to me (!!!!). Normally, I would be totally okay with this, but I can't stop thinking about this! I have problems, I really do.  
  
Anywho, I have discussed the whole "Percy-and-Darby-Love-Connection" possibility thing with Oliver at breakfast this morning. Percy is already at work and refused to eat today, instead scurrying away to the library. Anyway, the following conversation (or something like it) took place at the table:  
  
O: You okay? You kind look weird.  
  
Me: Truth be told? I'm feeling kinda weird.  
  
O: So? Tell dear brother Oliver. Or so to speak. *flashes that grin that makes first years swoon*  
  
Me: If you laugh at me, I will have my owl peck your eyes out, then he'll go pick up Bizzy in a little basket and he'll come and eat you, Wood. I swear on that!  
  
O: I promise, Darby! When did you become so paranoid?!  
  
Me: After you told everyone that I liked Snape, for like, ONE DAY! But anyway. I think I've got it bad for someone we both know very well.  
  
O: *raises eyebrow* Well, dear, you and I-  
  
Me: Not us, you twit!  
  
O: *grin* Keep denying. Wait! *realization dawns on him* You like PERCY?!  
  
[At this sad little point, the headmaster turns his stare at us and we look away guiltily.]  
  
Me: Shut up! YES, I like Percy! Do you want everyone to know about this?  
  
O: Well-  
  
Me: That's not funny! But should I tell him?!  
  
O: If that's what you want, Darby. Hey, I've been meaning to ask you! Why did Sammy and Chandler name you 'Darby' anyway? (Apparently, Chandler and Sammy are not just content with having anyone else call them 'Mr. and Mrs. Holliwether. Or even 'your parents' or whatnot. Grrr.)  
  
Me: Beats me.  
  
Honestly, sometimes I wonder if Ollie is sane or what. He certainly gets distracted easily. But why did Sammy and Chandler name me Darby? Of course, they don't adapt well to 'conventional parenting strategies' and stuff, AKA: being normal. I have two teenagers for parents. At least I have Bizzy, right? He got awfully big awfully fast even though Sammy tried to keep him small by buying him a small-ish tank at first like the pet store guy told us to. And now my little Bizzy is, well, not so little anymore.  
  
Why am I talking about Bizzy instead of Percy?? Hmm.  
  
Oops, got to go, Sprout is giving me the evil eye.  
  
*Noon* Lunchtime  
  
Oliver and Percy are sitting next to me. Oliver, that stupid freak. He keeps making suggestive winks at me, seeing how Percy is sitting next to me. I am going to KILL Oliver Wood if he does not stop 'innocently' batting his eyes at me! Maybe I am to hostile.  
  
Percy and Oliver are discussing some Quidditch stuff at this moment. Gag me with my own wand. What a horrid way to die/become injured. It's not how I'd like to go.  
  
3:14 PM  
  
Oh gosh. I have never been SO humiliated in my entire life! And not just because I cried in front of Oliver and Percy (gulp). Well, here's what occurred about, um, nine minutes ago.  
  
Well, the three of us were going back to the common room since classes were over when we turned a corner and I accidentally (I cannot stress the word ACCIDENTALLY enough!) collided with Marcus Flint and two of his brainwashed goons, Ferdinand Zabini and Alexander Stoneburg.  
  
"Oh, man, fellows! I've got Mudblood germs all over me!" he crowed in that annoying drawl of his. Oliver's face turned bright red and looked like he was going to attempt to knock some sense into Flint.  
  
Normally I didn't mind, but I was in a sour mood because of a crazed potions assignment. That name usually didn't frazzle me because I never had heard it used on me (or anyone) until I came to Hogwarts, but this time it really kind of hurt and REALLY pissed me off at the same time. I blinked back a tear of hurt. And smiled at Marcus Flint.  
  
Meanwhile, Percy was not amused.  
  
"I don't EVER want to hear you call her that ever again," Percy said, trying to be firm, but using a wavering voice.  
  
"Oh. Well, what are you going to do about it, you half wit?" Flint countered leeringly. Percy looked stricken. "What's wrong? Can't you afford to give me some sort of comeback?" Poor Percy froze and couldn't get any words out. Oliver was so infuriated he couldn't say ANYTHING. Which is rare.  
  
And Marcus began calling Percy all these terrible names, until I was shaking in fury and I couldn't stand it anymore. My hands clenched into fists.  
  
And I swung the right one.  
  
And it hit Flint square in the jaw. He grunted.  
  
"Shut up! You are not half the person Percy is. So go shove it, you illiterate TWIT!" I spat foully, and I would have continued, if Oliver wouldn't have abruptly clapped a hand over my mouth.  
  
So then Flint and his goons each held up a threatening fist. Ollie moved quickly to stand in front of the two of us.  
  
"If you touch either one of them," Oliver said, gesturing to me and Percy. "You will not have arms to play Quidditch with." Ollie always protects (or tries to) Percy and me. A lot of people are afraid of him. He's tall and thin, but he's really strong from playing Quidditch all the time. I appreciate it, I really do. But I can take care of myself, Oliver.  
  
Even though I could sorta tell he was little uneasy at this threat, Marcus laughed.  
  
"I'll see you later, Weasley. You too, Wood. And especially you, Darby Holliwether." He chuckled. "Or perhaps I should say 'Darby Weasley?'" And with that, the three of them turned away.  
  
It happened in slow motion. Ollie screamed some obscene phrases; making me glad no teachers were around. I slumped against the wall and slipped down until I sat up against the wall, chin resting on my knees. I tried to blink back tears, but it didn't work well. There I was, sitting in a little hallway in front of Ollie and Percy, where anyone could just walk over and see me bawling my eyes out over some repulsive moron's even more moronic comments. I wanted Bizzy. And Sammy. And even Chandler, although he kind of disliked Bizzy.  
  
Ollie and Perce sat down on either side of me. Oliver leaned his head on my arm, and Percy placed a shy hand on my shoulder. I tried to calm myself down. At least Sammy had taught me how to deliver a solid smack to someone. Sure, it was supposed to be used in the event I was walking alone down a dark alley way and some perv jumps me (When is that going to happen?! Sometimes I think Sammy isn't playing with a full deck.), but this works too.  
  
"Darby? Are you okay?" Percy was asking timidly.  
  
"Geez, Darby. I have NEVER seen you so pissed!" Oliver gasped out, bewildered. "And wow! When you punched that fleabag, I thought he was gonna cry for a minute."  
  
"Don't you listen to what he said. About ANYTHING. He's totally wrong and NOT worthy of having someone like you worry about him," Perce said softly.  
  
But, oh, Percy, if you only knew how semi-right he was about ONE thing. Sure, we weren't married. But I'm not going to lie and say that the thought hadn't trampled through my head at least once in the previous twenty-four hours.  
  
Apparently, Oliver was thinking that same thing, and raised one of his eyebrows at me when Percy glanced away. I sighed sadly.  
  
"Come on, Darby. Let's go back to the dorm and you can let loose there." Oliver helped me to my feet. "That's a good girl. Here." He dried under my eyes with the hankie his mom insisted he carry with him everywhere.  
  
Ollie has normal parents! Sammy insisted I carry a teabag with me. That way, if I come down to her office (she's an interior designer. Which is really cool), I can make her tea. Weird, huh?  
  
"See? There you are," Oliver said, putting the hankie away.  
  
"You can cry as much as you want when we get back to the dorm. We'll stay with you if you want," Percy offered. My heart fluttered. I felt very pathetic about this. He didn't even know I liked him, let alone was getting butterflies from him being so sweet to me. Get a grip, Darby! I thought.  
  
I unconsciously rested my head on Ollie's shoulder as he put his arm around my waist, and Percy took my hand shyly.  
  
"You guys are so good to me," I said, suddenly really sleepy.  
  
And now, all I can think about is A) How much I love Percy. B) How much I miss Sammy and Bizzy and even Chandler. And C) How much I hope I gave Marcus Flint a huge, dark bruise. Nothing would make me happier. Well, except kissing Percy. Which, I suppose, is weird. I mean, I only realized I like him yesterday. Still, I fall for people HARD. And he and Oliver are my best friends. I hate being a confused teenager. No one takes you seriously. I wonder why? And in case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic. 


	3. Grrr! I Am Going To Kill!

Not Crazy.Just Different! The True-To-Life Diary of Darby Holliwether  
  
September 3rd 1:17 PM  
  
Oh my god. I cannot believe it, I just simply CANNOT believe it! I feel SO terrible. I am just a terrible, horrible, awful, not-good-in-the-least person! Apparently I have a curse. Or at least I have cursed someone. Sammy said something like that once, I think. When we were messing around with some tarot cards a few summers ago. She told me that my family is cursed. Then again, Sammy puts her lipstick in the butter dish and keeps salt in her and Chandler's room. Either way, I am SUCH an awful person!  
  
Marcus attacked Percy; and all because I clocked him and defended Percy. I should have let Ollie deal with it! I can't believe it. I guess he was out of the dorm late at night and Flint just attacked him. He gave him a few cuts and bruises, and a black eye. And when Percy tried to run away, he tripped over his own foot and fell down the stairs and dislocated his left knee.  
  
So now he's in the hospital wing. Apparently Snape found him because he heard Percy yelling and stuff. It's not hard to be able to hear that kind of thing, especially because it echoes in the hallways around here. I feel SO awful. It is my entire fault! I cried when I found out about it. Ollie told me. He tried to tell me that it wasn't about anything I did.  
  
Percy's always been a lot weaker than Ollie, and maybe even a little weaker than I am too. This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened to him (getting the crap beaten out of him is nothing new). But never this bad. No matter what Oliver says about it, I am NOT going to let this go and say that it isn't my fault, especially because I KNOW it is. And even if Flint has beaten him before, he's been better off than he is now. And I feel stuff for him that I didn't before.  
  
I've always liked him like a brother, right? Sure, I felt bad when he would limp back with cuts and scratches and stuff. But it wasn't my fault then. No sir.  
  
I wrote to Sammy. I told her all about Percy and stuff, but not telling her how I like him, or how I slugged Flint. If I get my hands on him I am going to rip out his liver and feed it to him! Yeppers, it's official that I am WAY too hostile. Even if I would rather die than let Flint get off easy on this. This time I am not doing ANYTHING, though. Oliver can deal with it. I hope.  
  
Well, I gotta jet. We're going to see Percy. Buh-bye.  
  
3:04  
  
Percy looks better than I thought that he might, although he can hardly open his eye because it's so swollen. I swear I am going to slaughter Flint. He looked really happy to see us though, even though he was a little distressed because we skipped class to come visit him. I brought him about half of the Jolly Ranchers I had left. Anyway, I know Sammy and Chandler will get me some almost immediately. They love Jollies as much as I do.  
  
"I am so sorry," I said softly, not caring even if Ollie tried to inform me yet again that it wasn't my fault. "I shouldn't have hit Flint!"  
  
"Darby, it wasn't anything you did. He does it every year at least once." Well, it was true. But it DIDN'T make things right!  
  
"How-how's your knee, sweetie?" I asked sympathetically. Percy grimaced and pulled his leg out from under the powder blue blanket that covered his legs. It was tightly bandaged up, and seeing that only increased my already sky-high level of guilt that was welling up.  
  
"I'm going to the bathroom!" Oliver proclaimed loudly, standing up and leaving, but shooting me a meaningful glance. I gave him a mock-angry glare as he stood up and walked away. I was really nervous now.  
  
"So. How they treatin' you here?" I questioned, semi-shyly.  
  
"Pretty decent, I guess. My knee is killing me. And my eye is just bothering me, a lot," Percy said grimly.  
  
"Oh! I wrangled up some of your homework," I remembered, giving him an apologetic look. I sat the manilla folder down on his bedside table.  
  
"Aww, thanks so much. So, how did Oliver take the news?" he asked.  
  
"Oh my gosh! He was SO mad! He cried a little; I just couldn't believe it. I mean, it isn't everyday that Ollie cries, is it?" Percy smiled, looking bitter, almost. "But he did. McGonagall told him and he just broke down, right there at the breakfast table and cried. But what could I do? So we just both cried."  
  
"You cried about it?" His face registered surprise.  
  
"Uh, yeah. We care about you, Perce. I mean, we love you; you're like our brother." But I wished I could tell him.  
  
At that moment Ollie came back. But unfortunately, he was followed by Madame Pomfrey. And she did not look happy.  
  
"Now listen here. Mr. Weasley needs his rest. So you need to leave, Miss Holliwether, and Mr. Wood. He will see you tomorrow!" And that was the end of that. Sheesh. She's so paranoid that we'll end up killing Perce by exhausting him or whatnot. Yeah; that happens to Hogwarts students ALL the time.  
  
You know what? Ollie told me that they haven't actually confirmed it was Flint. But we both know that he did it, that miserable- actually, I haven't been able to think up a name bad enough to call him.  
  
There's not a word in the vocabulary I posses that can measure up to what he did to sweet little Percy. Or maybe I'm just protective of my friends. Truth be told, I don't have very many other friends. I mean, Fred and George, and Katie Bell all associate with me and stuff, but that's just about it. That's okay with me though.  
  
Sigh. Must fly, Ollie wants to play some Exploding Snap. I always win though, heh heh heh. 


	4. My Poor Bike

Not Crazy.Just Different! By Darby C. Holliwether  
  
September 4th 7:29 AM  
  
Woke up and my hair was standing straight up. I looked like I had seen Snape in a thong (dear lord, I did NOT need to think of that this early in the morning) or something equally horrifying. So of course, usually my hair goes down after that but today, I was shocked to find that even though I combed it and brushed it and stuff, it still stayed fluffy. And my hair is never fluffy!  
  
Well, Sammy has straight hair, and so do her parents, because I know for a fact that my Granny sleeps in rollers and gets a perm every two weeks. Chandler has straight hair too, but his dad had curly hair when he was a little kid. Weird.  
  
So I put my monstrous furrball up in a ponytail and then pinned it to the back of my head. I look so stupid you wouldn't believe it. I went down to the breakfast table where Oliver was waiting for me. The first thing he said to me today just happened to be.  
  
"What on Earth happened to your hair?!"  
  
Oh, thank you ever so much, Oliver. Love you too. I frowned and sat down as a house elf brought me a stack of pancakes.  
  
"I have no idea. I tried to comb it out but it just got worse," I said.  
  
"Looks like you've got a brownish blonde cloud hanging off of the back of your head," Ollie said, shoveling a piece of scrambled egg into his mouth.  
  
"Well, I've got news for you: that's not funny," I said angrily, snatching a piece of bacon off of his plate and eating it with a satisfying crunch.  
  
"Hey, thought you might like to know," Ollie began with a wink. "Percy can come back to class tomorrow. He has to be on crutches for his knee though."  
  
"Ooh, that's great!" I exclaimed happily. Oliver looked at me from behind a bit of his hair.  
  
"Yeah. I'm sure it is, Darby," he said with a suggestive smirk. I frowned.  
  
"A) Whatever you say, Wood. And B), move your hair out of your eyes," I grumbled. Oliver did but looked at me questioningly. "Oh fine! Sammy says that if people can see your eyes they'll be more apt to pay attention. But then again, Sammy removed all of our doorknobs for one day."  
  
"And why do people say your mom is weird?"  
  
Sammy IS weird though! Chandler isn't as much. He still burns incense and buys black lights all the time and stuff, but he isn't as 'out there' as Sammy is. Sometimes he gets really mad and won't talk to her, like when Granny Holliwether (his mom) came over and Sammy answered the door carrying Bizzy. Granny DESPISES Bizzy, and all reptilian creatures. Granny Davis (Sammy's mother) hates Bizzy too. She was SO mad when she heard I was buying him, but that was a long time ago indeed.  
  
Oops. Got to go to Transfiguration.  
  
12:00 PM  
  
Ugh, we're having fish for lunch. Never mind, I'll just eat the sides that come with it and retreat back to the common room after classes. Sammy sent me more Jollies.hurrah. Percy's coming back to class tomorrow. Sammy says Bizzy is doing well. And she sent Jolly Ranchers. It's shaping up to be a decent day.  
  
Despite my 'brownish blonde cloud on the back of my head.'  
  
4:31 PM  
  
Ollie and I returned to the common room after potions. Unfortunately, after thinking of Snape in a thong this morning (oh the horror, the HORROR), I stupidly kept checking to see if I could see it or anything. I'm so stupid sometimes, honestly. So I was stirring the cauldron Oliver and I were using and managed to get so distracted that I burnt my hand on the side of it. I shouted, and Snape took ten points. Whoop-de-do.  
  
People get really freaked out when they take, like, one point or whatnot. But Fred and George get LOADS of points taken from us quite often. Where's the logic in that? Fuzzy logic dishwasher (It's from 'The Sims'). Heh. I'm such a dork. And I wonder why people think I'm a loon. Well.maybe I am. Sheesh.  
  
So now I'm sitting here on my bed, looking at Sammy's letter that she sent and eating Jolly Ranchers. Mmm. How nice. I've got the curtains drawn and I'm trying not to be disturbed. I ran into a wall and got a bit of a migraine. But that's not the first time that's happened to me. Not in the least.  
  
Sammy says Chandler accidentally put the garage door down on my bike. Oh, how excellent. Apparently it didn't hurt it too much. Still, I saved up for a long time. Why can't Chandler buy one of those things that makes it so the door won't go down if something is in the way? That's totally weird. I don't remember what those are called, not like I'd ever need to remember it on a pop quiz or whatnot.  
  
Hey, how can you NOT notice that a bike is in the way? And what was my bike doing left there anyway? Was Chandler riding my PURPLE bike? Scary. If he lent it to the neighbor kids I'll be very upset. They don't know I go to Hogwarts. Weird huh? As if they care anyway.  
  
Lines from Wayne's World are stuck in my head. Grrr. I miss that movie for some odd reason. It's pretty sad that I can recite lines to it.  
  
"If it's a severed head, I'm going to be very upset." That's funny. I'm very easily amused. Then again, my friends (the Muggle kind, not at Hogwarts, of course) think it's funny to drop and ice cube on a tile floor and make me try to pick it up. Of course, this requires lots of effort since I am lacking in the fingernail department. Despite it being a little bit of a waste of time, I find it quite fun.  
  
11:19 PM  
  
What if Chandler accidentally puts the garage door down on BIZZY?! Ahhhhh! Must write to Sammy!  
  
11:34 PM  
  
Sent Sammy a letter with Seymour, my owl. Asked her to MAKE SURE that she keeps a good eye on poor little Bizzy. Not sure if Chandler would do something stupid like that, but then again Chandler still watches cartoons. 


	5. A 'Huh' Moment

Not Crazy.Just Different The Diary of Darby Holliwether  
  
September 5th 2:18 PM  
  
Percy's back with us! He has crutches and whatnot, but still. Oliver and me were really glad to see him, and I'd assume he was glad to see us. But then, he had news for us.  
  
"I met somebody!" he exclaimed. Oliver's jaw dropped and I put I hand to my mouth in shock. Ollie gave me a concerned glance.  
  
"That's great, man! Who is it?" Oliver said loudly, trying to cover up his surprise.  
  
"She's in Ravenclaw! Her name is Penelope. Penelope Clearwater!" Percy said, a huge grin on his face. I felt faint and collapsed into a seat at the table at breakfast.  
  
"Hey, that's great!" I said, plastering on a fake grin. "So, are you guys, you know, boyfriend/girlfriend?"  
  
"Well, yeah," Percy confirmed, face turning bright red.  
  
"That's great, Percy," Oliver and I congratulated in unison. Of course, I think my heart spontaneously combusted in my chest at that exact second. Why me, WHY me? Why couldn't I have told him when Oliver was in the bathroom yesterday?!  
  
"You know what?" I quickly 'realized,' checking my watch with the snakeskin print band. "I told Professor Sprout I'd come in early to, um, help her out with something, so, well, I gotta go." I hugged Percy quickly. "Good to have ya back. Seeya, guys. Congrats, Perce!" With that, I shuffled out the door, muttering obscene phrases and such under my breath.  
  
Actually, in truth, I was supposed to help Professor Sprout, but I decided to leave earlier than I said I would, by about ten minutes. Grrr. Oh well, I was so upset about this whole Penelope Clearwater thing, and the greenhouses can be quite soothing to me. But I am crazy, right?  
  
So I darted down to the greenhouse, where Professor Sprout was working with some Mandrakes. I frowned, and she walked up to me, hanging her fluffy pink earmuffs on a hook nearby.  
  
"Oh, hello Darby!" she said. "You're early."  
  
"Yeah. Breakfast just didn't seem very appealing right now." Hey, it WAS true!  
  
"Is that so?"  
  
"Yup." I stood in silence, waiting for her to tell me to do something.  
  
"I would like you to help me water some of the plants, please," she said finally. Well, that wasn't too hard. I wouldn't be eaten today, I guessed.  
  
So Professor Sprout and I began watering the plants. I guess I looked a little freakish, because the next thing I knew:  
  
"You look a little distressed, Darby. Is everything all right? Is it about your iguana?" I was surprised she knew about Bizzy, but hey. What can you do?  
  
"Nah, Bizzy is great, Sammy says. I just-well, I am a little distressed, you might say."  
  
"Ah ha. Is this about, oh, I don't know. A boy?" she asked, looking at me. I turned bright red.  
  
"How did you know that?" I asked stupidly.  
  
"Darby, I don't know if you know this, but if you've been teaching for as long as I have, you learn to pick up on this sort of thing rather easily."  
  
"Oh. Of course." Well, DUH, Darby! Did you think she was psychic?? Oh yeah, she reads the tealeaves, just like Trelawney. Hahahaha. Darby, you slay me.  
  
I like Professor Sprout. She's not hygienically deprived, like Snape. Or dead, like Professor Binns. Or- well, you know, that's to hard to top, a dead professor. So we can leave it at that, correct? Hee hee. And she listens to what I have to say, most of the time.  
  
So after that conversation, we proceeded to chat about Bizzy a little, and she asked me how Oliver, Percy and Chandler and Sammy are/were. Then the rest of the students arrived, we had class, and now I'm sitting in Divination.  
  
Professor Trelawney is predicting Alexander Stoneburg's death. Oh well, it happens to someone else at least once a week. Divination is such crap; I don't know why I bother. YOU'RE CRAZY! Now no one with look at me weird, because I didn't yell it, hahaha. Crafty, huh?!  
  
5:07 PM  
  
Percy is out talking to his *girlfriend*, and I was sitting in the common room talking to Oliver (I've since moved up to my bed, again). And so we were sitting there talking to each other, while I was doodling on the cover of this diary, and Oliver was messing with his Wizard's Chess pieces and eating chocolate frogs.  
  
"What do you write in that book?" Ollie asked suddenly, after he angered his king by saying something to him about how nice his queen was looking today (and so he shoved the pieces back in the case he keeps them in).  
  
"It's a diary, not just a book!" I insisted.  
  
"So, do you write about me in there?" he asked with a sly smile,  
  
"Oliver, you're really an idiot sometimes," I said with a regretful sigh. "Of course I write about you in here. You're my best friend."  
  
"Oh, well that's good to know. Sometimes I need that little ego boost." Honestly, sometimes he is SO thickheaded. Grrr.  
  
"Okay, Ollie, listen. You are the Quidditch captain. You have girls falling all over you! You have charm, good looks, and," I smiled egotistically. "A really good set of best friends, right?"  
  
"I don't know about that last one," Oliver said with a sarcastic tone. I rolled my eyes sheepishly. "Oh, come on Darby. You know you two are the best."  
  
"Yeah." My mind was wandering. I felt pathetically empty at that moment.  
  
"He's happy, you know. He's never had a girlfriend before," Oliver reminded me, seeing my lofty expression. I frowned and nodded slowly.  
  
"Yep." I thought for a moment. "Am I selfish, Oliver?" He looked slightly taken aback at this.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, I can't help but think that even though he is happy, and that's good. Because I want that to be me, Oliver. I'm SO pathetic. He is happy, and I am only thinking of myself."  
  
"You aren't selfish. No one is perfect." Yeah right. That's like having Chandler tell you that everyone LOVES iguanas. And you don't believe them because of who they personally are. Oliver is perfect, and he knows it. But you can't help but love him.  
  
Whatever. From now on, I am going to put other people's happiness BEFORE me. And if Percy wants a girlfriend, more power to him.  
  
Somehow I think I'm going to regret this though. 


	6. A Shocking Moment!

Not Crazy! Just Different! By Darby Holliwether  
  
September 7th 1:19 AM  
  
Cannot sleep. Grrr. I am wilting. I managed to doze off for about two hours, but Seymour bit me and so I woke up. GO BACK TO BED! Hmm.  
  
1:23 AM  
  
I wish Katie would stop snoring. Kill me now.  
  
10:03 AM  
  
I finally fell asleep by holding my pillow over my head. Muah ha ha ha. I am a genius, if I do say so myself.  
  
I feel terrible; I've kind of been avoiding Percy. Percy and Penelope. Their names go together so well that it's horrifyingly sickening. I am SO bitter, it's just not right. And so far, day one of 'Operation: Selfless Darby' has been a flop.  
  
I can definitely handle this kind of thing. I will contact Sammy immediately. Perhaps I should tell her about Percy. I think I will. Oh great. You know, if Granny Davis finds out, she'll FREAK. She still thinks I am opposed to boys. Oh yes, Granny, boys are icky. Hardy har har.  
  
Eeee! Gotta jet, Professor 'Thong Wearer' Snape is staring.  
  
11:54 AM  
  
Rumor has it (rumors about lunch? How entirely pathetic it is.) we're having roast for lunch. Mmm, sounds good. I think I'll give Percy my dessert. Because I am SELFLESS. Hahaha, how funny that revelation is. Oopsies, I'm leaving now.  
  
12:17 PM  
  
Just when I thought it could NOT get any worse! *weeping in shock and anguish* Dumbledore has just announced to everyone that was eating lunch that we are having a Halloween/Autumn dance. It's October 19th. So it's just a little early. And guess who Percy asked when Dumbledore finished talking?  
  
No, not me. Have you learned nothing? The world hates me. Yes, he asked Penelope. Duh. They're dating, if that helps you any. Fred and George are going with Angelina and Katie. Ollie hasn't asked anybody, but people will definitely ask him to go. If only it weren't so obvious.  
  
Yep, what'd I tell you?! Casey Choresksey just asked Oliver to the dance. She's a 5th year Hufflepuff. See? Divination WOULD be my best subject (Hahahaha) if only I believed in that sort of thing. Life is officially unfair.  
  
That's it! I am voluntarily REVOLTING. I am staying up in the common room on October the 19th. Let's see if they miss me. I bet not. Oliver and Casey can have fun, as can Penelope and Percy. See if I care.  
  
As soon as classes are over for the day, I am crawling into my bed and only coming out for meals and classes. Can't let my grades slip. How sad is that?  
  
Oliver accepted her invite. Casey isn't so bad though. She's not Penelope (grr!) or whatnot. Ah well. I can assume that P. is a very nice girl or whatever. That doesn't change the fact that, well, I want to date Percy.  
  
OKAY, FINE! Operation: Selfless is OVER! It might have gone off without even a hitch, but NEVER again will I consider- shut up, Darby. Everyone is happy but you! You can stay up in the common room *alone. * I enjoy my solitude. Listen to some CDs, write to Sammy. And I don't even need to get dressed up. Pajama city!  
  
I'm good with this. It's passive rebellion, and I am just such a little genius. As I have said many times before. But seriously, instead of going with Oliver and Percy and being a mopey third wheel, I can have a little fun of my own! It don't get much better than that, right? Dances are too glamorous anyway (gag me with my quill).  
  
Sounds like a plan!  
  
3:48 PM  
  
Explained my little plan to Percy and Ollie. Well, I didn't get the same reaction that I had planned on ("Oh Darby! You're SO smart! I never would have thought about that idea!") in a kajillion years.  
  
"Darby. Are you serious?" Oliver asked, the both of them giving me vacant looks.  
  
"Is this because you don't have a date?" Percy asked. My face fell as my heart sank.  
  
"Well, at first it wasn't. But thank you ever so much for bringing that up, stooge." Percy gave me a hurt look. "Well, sorry. But everyone else got asked right away! Casey asked Ollie. Percy asked Penelope. I suppose nobody wants me."  
  
"I could pull some strings," Oliver said thoughtfully. I folded my arms. "We'd love to have you there, Darby."  
  
"Well, for one, I don't want to get dressed. Two, I hate dances. Three, it'll be mostly excited, yammering first years. Four, I enjoy my solitude. And finally FIVE: You guys have dates who like you enough to ask you. I have no one, which is understandable, considering how weird, not good looking and just overall: undesirable I happen to be!"  
  
"Don't be so down on yourself," Percy insisted. I frowned.  
  
"I'm not going. End of discussion!" And with that I hurried up the stairs, a sad state of mind following me closely behind.  
  
When I got to my bed, no one was in the room so I just lay there crying for a long, long time. I am so pathetically ignorant. This is going to bother me all day, mark my words.  
  
7:38  
  
I didn't eat any dinner tonight. I put my jammies on at five o'clock. I think I should go hurt something. Oh, hello little first years. Would you like to play a little game? I am just too mean, I really shouldn't think homicidal thoughts about the innocent little whipper snappers.  
  
11:29  
  
I should have told him. I should have told him. I should have to him. I should have told him. I should have told him. I should have told him. I should have told him.  
  
11:31  
  
If I wasn't sleeping in a room with other people, I'd cry myself to sleep. I'll put on my CD player and feel really bad for myself. What else can I do?  
  
11:42  
  
I could jump on the bed. But that's not a good idea. I might break my mattress or something. What am I going to do with myself? Shrivel up and die? Oh, that's a happy thought.  
  
I heard a scary noise just now. I'm scared. My emotions are in overdrive. If I JUST go to sleep, I can wake up in the morning, and be HAPPY and not scared of huge beetles generating from the floor and leaping on me and biting my head off.  
  
Oh yeah, I'll definitely be able to sleep NOW. After that 'comforting' thought. 


	7. Lying in Homework

Not Crazy-Just Different! The 'Adventures' of Darby Holliwether  
  
September 8th  
  
3:12 PM  
  
Woke up this morning actually happy. Hair was straight, and I had a 'Percy dream.' Well, I was walking down the hall to go to Care of Magical Creatures. And so then he just grabbed me and kissed me! Oh, and then we went and played paintball (wow, cool!). It was weird, yes! But it was amusing and not at all reminiscent of Penelope. That'd be a nightmare.  
  
Even after I got in trouble for laughing hysterically in Potions because Oliver was making faces that were supposed to look like Snape and had five points taken for that. I was STILL happy; amazing, no? Oh, but it was entirely too amusing to NOT laugh at! Reminder to self: kill Oliver.  
  
He got me in trouble, though, with a first year. This is what happened.  
  
I was walking down the hallway, on my way to potions (and I was hoping that my dream would become a reality, haha) when Lavender Brown grabbed me by the arms and pulled my over to the right side of the hallway. She looked up at me, a deep frown on her face.  
  
"Don't act like Oliver Wood is your boyfriend!" she hissed angrily. I reeled immediately. "Because he is NOT!" I thought steam was going to come billowing out of her ears. That little freak. I stood there in a freakish stupor before shrugging and continuing on my merry little way. Besides, she's a first year, and Oliver's a fifth year.  
  
Anyways, I told him what happened. He found it highly amusing. Actually, 'amusing' isn't the word. He was banging his fists on the table and actually rolled around on the floor (literally) for a little while. I wish I had had my camera, because that would have been EXCELLENT blackmailing material, especially for the Gryffindor Quidditch captain, like showing it to his wife a ways down the road. I can see it now.  
  
I wonder if Lavender knew that he was laughing about what had happened earlier today. Aha, ahahahaha. I can see it now. I am so easily entertained, right? When I was about eight, Sammy used to distract me from bothering her while she was cooking by handing her a pair of Chandler's socks, which she actually tells people all the time.  
  
Ollie and Percy came to visit me this summer for my birthday, which was pretty early in the summer. Sammy loves them, she really does. Well, not like kissy-kissy or like I do. More like extra sons. Which is weird, I suppose, because she HAS no sons. She and Chandler have only got me. How tragic.  
  
Well, Oliver stayed in my room (couch city, bay-bay) and Percy took the guest room. At least our couch is comfortable. Because I hate sleeping on the floor and whatnot. It is just not fun.  
  
Anyway, Oliver thought it was hilarious to let Bizzy run around the house. I usually get in trouble when I do that if Chandler is home (Sammy doesn't mind), because as I've said before, Chandler isn't to fond of poor little Bizzy (is it because he's green?). But apparently, it's okay when OLIVER does it? Not fair!  
  
Sammy and Percy really got along well, because he helped her with the DISHES and the LAUNDRY. Sammy got mad because I never help with that kind of thing (Well, why doesn't Sammy ASK?). Oh well, I can't hold that against *sigh* Percy. Even if he has crushed my heart into smithereens. Oh man. Moping is getting to me.  
  
Ollie actually managed to explain Quidditch to Chandler. Something I'd been trying to do for only about, well, five years. I guess he can explain it better, since he has to do it for everyone who joins the team anyway. Why should my father be any different? Although, I can't say I explain it to well myself. "And then you put the ball through the little hoopy thing. And you catch the little gold ball with wings on it and you win the game."  
  
If anybody who didn't know I go to Hogwarts heard me talking about 'a little gold ball with wings' I could be committed. Hahaha. That'd be fun. Not being committed, of course, but freaking countless numbers of people out, mostly people who had no idea wizards were even real.  
  
Anyways, we had a blast. Ollie had never seen some of the Muggle (well, it's normal for me anyway) stuff we have (although Percy probably has seen some of that stuff before, because of Mr. Weasley's job. Either that or he just didn't freak out over the stuff like Oliver did when he saw Chandler make me an espresso). Like Chandler's lawnmower, and Sammy's blender (Smoothies, I miss them). Sammy and Chandler LOVED them! That's good to hear, because sometimes I think that Chandler doesn't love anything (except me and Sammy!).  
  
It was a great summer. Except when we went to Kansas (where I used to live) to see my cousins at their house. I really didn't want to go, because even though we moved overseas when I was six, I still get a little freaked when we go there. I guess I always will. Fuh-ree-key.  
  
Well, well, well. Percy is going out to see Penelope. How sweet. I'm just too bitter about all this. I'll tell him after the dance. Maybe.  
  
I'm going to talk to Oliver. Be back later.  
  
6:20 PM  
  
Mmm. Dinner was very good tonight. It was lasagna and garlic bread. Garlic doesn't allow for much kissing, now does it? Hahaha.  
  
Percy and Penelope weren't present for dinner. Probably off having a kiss in the library while Percy tries to write a paper for Defense Against the Dark Arts. How romantic. Ugh, I'm getting ill just thinking of it.  
  
So Oliver and I were forced to write our predictions for Divination. I honestly don't know why I bother with that class. Maybe I should drop out! No, I stay in because I guess I just want to see how bad it can get. That's the sick, morbid curiosity that keeps me going in that hell- I mean class.  
  
For Monday, Oliver predicted that he would 'suffer a traumatic emotional blow.' I will be 'meeting a ominous stranger who brings danger with him.' Too fun.  
  
On Tuesday, Oliver is going to 'have a brush with a crushing illness.' I am to be 'receiving an unwanted object.'  
  
And on Wednesday, he will 'inadvertently violate a rule and be punished accordingly.' I, Darby Holliwether, is predicted to 'make a bad decision regarding my physical and emotional heath.'  
  
Thursday: He is going to 'be betrayed by someone who loves him,' and I will 'have an unwanted conflict.'  
  
And Friday is Ollie's day to 'need assistance but be afraid to ask for it.' It is also my day to 'make a startling and terrifying discovery.'  
  
Tragedy. She'll LOVE it. Although we used to think it was crafty that all the others actually tried to research it, we soon discovered that it was common knowledge that you were SUPPOSED to make it up. Only an idiot spends time on that kind of thing. Every seasoned Divination student must know that.  
  
Percy doesn't even bother with that crap. He dropped out of Divination a month into third year. Good for him. But I like it I suppose, in a sick way. And it's hilarious to see people get freaked out when she predicts that they'll fall into the lake and get eaten by a mermaid or whatnot. Hahahaha. 


	8. It's Off To the Library!

Not Crazy-Just Different! The Hogwarts Chronicle of Darby Holliwether  
  
September 12th  
  
4:23 PM  
  
Haven't written in almost a week. Well, Oliver's prediction ACTUALLY came true. He had a little fight with Casey, and so she yelled "Well, Wood, you SUCK at Quidditch!" In front of everyone today at breakfast in the middle of the Great Hall. Ollie looked like he might cry, whilst Percy and I snorted into our Belgian waffles. Not funny to some, shockingly hilarious to others.  
  
So Ollie collapses onto the bench and looks me right in the eyes and goes "Do I really?" And I'm thinking 'THIS is the emotional blow?' But I can't say anything to him, so I say:  
  
"Well, I don't play Quidditch much myself, but-." It was then I realized my fatal mistake. When someone asks you a question that possibly you may answer the wrong way, just abruptly say "No, of course not!" And always, ALWAYS make sure you get to the point QUICKLY!  
  
Ollie's chin fell and rested on the table. "I'm a loser."  
  
"You didn't even let me finish!" I protested. 'What I was going to say was 'But you most certainly do not suck.' Come on, Ol, you're the Quidditch captain, for crying out loud. If you sucked, they'd kick ya off the team."  
  
"That is true," Percy agreed, hiding an amused smirk. I elbowed him in the ribs quickly. He let out a small 'oof ' and gave Ollie a small smile. Oliver was right, he does seem SO much happier than he used to be. I wish it was because of me, but it isn't.  
  
You know, I didn't come to Hogwarts to find love; I came here to learn magic and such. And I made some friends along the way, but it doesn't mean I have to discover the love of my life here. I am going to keep that in mind from now forward; and people will be amazed at my new level of self worth and self control. I am independent! GO ME.  
  
Must go to library, have a paper on werewolves due tomorrow. Yippee skippee. I bet Percy and Penelope are there. Oh joy.  
  
4:27 PM  
  
Ewww. What a mature reaction. They've only been going out for about a week. I never would have thought Percy would be the type to be all over somebody, but you know me, I am not ALWAYS right in my 'divination like' thoughts, haha.  
  
Ah yes, werewolves.  
  
4:32 PM  
  
Crime in Italy, get a room.  
  
4:43 PM  
  
Ooh, that might leave a mark. *Devilish sniggering sound*  
  
5:04 PM  
  
Paper is finished. Percy is not. Must leave now before I vomit up my lunch.  
  
5:16 PM  
  
Hahaha. Oh how I amuse myself. On my way to put my book back, I managed to 'accidentally' run into the chair Percy was slumped in.  
  
"Oh, my bad," I began solemnly. "I must have been wandering about after having my eyes burned out by the disgusting and highly scarring scene unfolding. Get a room; people are trying to study." I must have been speaking for everyone, because a few people actually applauded. With that I shoved my book back onto the shelf and sashayed my way out the door.  
  
I honestly don't know what possessed me to do it; I just did! I felt kinda crappy about it afterward, but what can ya do. I just had to; I don't know why. I'm a maniac, maniac, and I'm dancing like- sorry, Sammy used to sing me that song when I was a little kid.  
  
But just as I went out the door, someone said my name softly. I turned around. It was Derrick Bole, from the Slytherin Quidditch team. Oliver doesn't like him too much. Then again, Ollie doesn't like anybody who plays for a different Quidditch team than he does.  
  
"Hi Derrick," I said perkily, trying to remain cool.  
  
"Hey there. Uh, I know that I'm a Slytherin, and you're in Gryffindor and all that other stuff, but, uh, I was wondering if you might like to go to the dance with me? Did you hear that they've actually moved it forward to October first?" Derrick managed to stammer.  
  
"Oh! Well, I wasn't planning on going to the dance, actually." Derrick's face fell. Weird huh? "But I'd love to go with you." He smiled brightly.  
  
"Oh, well, great! I'll see you then!"  
  
I've got a date. I've got a date! Amazing, yes?  
  
I think that perhaps I should tell Oliver.  
  
5:45 PM  
  
"WHAT? You're going with WHO??!!" was the reaction I got when I reported on the state in which I found myself.  
  
"Yes. He just asked as I was leaving the library."  
  
"Who asked you?" Percy asked, entering the room.  
  
"Well, as I was departing from the library, dear Derrick Bole invited me to go to the dance with him. Did you hear that they moved it up to October 1st?"  
  
"I seem to remember that," Ollie said faintly. "Darby. He is a Slytherin. Did that though ever enter your mind?"  
  
"So?" I asked indignantly, tying on my boots, just to see if they still fit.  
  
"So, you two are just opposites! Slytherins are not the kind of people Gryffindors date."  
  
"We are NOT dating! We just want to go to a dance together!" I insisted.  
  
"I-I think I'd better go," Percy stuttered, edging out the door.  
  
"Whatever you want, Darby," Oliver said. "Just don't come crying to me when- ." He didn't get to finish, as I stood up and used the heel of my boot to kick him in the 'bad place.' He moaned and flopped over in the chair, rolling about like a rabid monkey. I stomped out the door as fast as I could in heels.  
  
Now I've not only got a date (!!!!!!) but I've kicked my best friend in the whole world in a place that most sane people would never even think about kicking an innocent guy. But he pissed me off so much. Like he can decide to regulate whom I go to dances with? I DON'T THINK SO.  
  
I hope I didn't inadvertently mess something up, if you know what I'm saying.  
  
6:11 PM  
  
What am I going to wear?! I'm thinking my high-heeled boots and my white shirt with the long bell sleeves, and my long cranberry skirt. How do you say 'very nice?' Hahaha. More comfy than a prom dress. So there. Sassy.  
  
7:37 PM  
  
Sent Sammy a letter and asked her to let me puh-lease oh please borrow her dragon pendant necklace. Maybe I'll steal it from her. Heehee. She'll be so happy Derrick asked me.  
  
Derrick is pretty sweet for a Slytherin, or so some say. He's pretty cute too. Shallow of me, so disregard that last comment.  
  
Know what I just noticed? Ollie didn't seem well. Kind of pale and whatnot. Sheesh. Stop thinking about him, Darby, you fool. Don't kick him in the 'family jewels' and then decide you feel bad for him.  
  
But still.  
  
11:01 PM  
  
I hope he isn't too mad at me. 


	9. Did I KILL Him? I Really Hope Not!

Not Crazy-Just Different  
  
The Continuing Saga of Darby Holliwether  
  
8:17 AM  
  
Didn't see Oliver today at breakfast. Oh man, what if I hurt him so bad he toppled to the ground and died right next to his bed, a half-melted Chocolate Frog jutting dismally from between his lips? Can doing that to someone kill them? Oh jeez, am I a murderess? Should I flee the castle and go far, far away and-  
  
Percy, stop reading over my shoulder. Can you see this? Okay.  
  
Have I no privacy??? Wait, don't answer this. I'd die if anybody read any of the stuff I've written about.  
  
Gotta go, Quirrell is stuttering at me. Haha.  
  
3:22 PM  
  
Thank you, thank you! He's just got a cold. Wee. I didn't kill him by whacking him with my foot. Hmm. Told Derrick I'd meet him to tell him what color outfit I'm wearing.  
  
This is fun.  
  
3:30 PM  
  
Told Derrick about how I planned on wearing my skirt and my white shirt, and he really like the idea of us not getting all dressed up. He seems to be really up on the whole idea of 'passive rebellion,' muah hahaha.  
  
And then when I went to leave, he kissed me right on the cheek! Well, it is in no way the most major thing that *could* have happened, but I can't complain because so far it has to be the most major thing that has happened to me, at least in the regard of guys, so this is the one and only (hahahahaha) thing I DON'T complain on the subject of: I know better.  
  
So Derrick told me that he's going to wear a blue sweater (to match his eyes, I concurred later, heehee) and some khaki cargo pants. I can see it now, and I can't help but think how much fun we're going to have, even though I have a strong opposition to the practice of dances. Yippee skippee.  
  
I have a date who my friends didn't have to bribe and/or threaten to convince them to go with me (or at least not to my knowledge!)! Do things get any better than this??  
  
I'm going to see if Oliver needs anything.  
  
4:17 PM  
  
Oliver was lying on the sofa in the common room. Everyone else was out socializing and flirting with members of the opposite gender. Well, everybody except me and Ollie, and that klutzy first year. Neville Longbottom, I think his name is. Yeah, that's it.  
  
He heard my coming and kind of crossed his legs. He was dressed in a plain pair of blue boxers and a grey t-shirt. Oliver was burrowed down underneath a light yellow blanket, which would have really gone nicely in my room, even though if I took it from him he'd get mad.  
  
"Listen, I'm not here to kick you there again. A) I am here to tell you that I am sorry. And B) I wanted to ask you if there's anything that I can do for you," I explained abruptly. I didn't think I needed to say that if Ollie were to have a heart attack and fall on the floor rolling around foaming at the mouth, Neville most likely wouldn't be of much help to him.  
  
"Oh. Well in that case." He gave me a charming smirk and ran a hand through his feathery light brown hair. I gave him an expectant look and he stared off into space watching something that I couldn't for the life of me see. "Oh, right. Um, I have a head ache, and my throat hurts a little." I rolled my eyes.  
  
"No problemo. Sammy always sends me Tylenol and cough drops and stuff. I'll be right back." I ruffled his hair. What can I say, I like taking care of people. My mom and daddy always have been really immature, and I'm the only one of us who can really cook and sew and stuff. Although Sammy really can make a mean smoothie and makes really nice jewelry out of paperclips and stuff.  
  
Soon I was down, sitting on top of the coffee table (which we aren't really supposed to do, but I don't really care about that, and everyone ignores that rule anyways) with a damp warm rag, some cough drops and Tylenol. I felt Ollie's forehead. It was hot and had a light sheen of sweat on it (kinda gross).  
  
I handed him two little Tylenol tablets and a small glass of water. Oliver gulped it greedily and settled back. He pointed to the towel.  
  
"What's that for?"  
  
"To put over your eyes. It's soothing," I explained, wary of what his reaction might be.  
  
"Oh. Hey, hand me a cough drop, will you?" I obliged and he popped it into his mouth. "So, um. I've done a lot of thinking today."  
  
"Uh huh," I said weakly, wondering what he might be getting at.  
  
"I-I decided that I might be alright with me if you went. And I know I really overreacted. So, yeah, but on one condition." My heart sank at this new revelation. What bizarre restriction would he put on, when it wasn't even his place to do so?  
  
"And, uh, what would that be, Ollie?" I asked, suddenly shy.  
  
"If you say you'll dance with me once," he revealed, with a gentle smile. I grinned.  
  
"I think that's something that I can oblige by," I said finally, after a laugh.  
  
Soon after that, he fell asleep, and stood up and walked to my room, covering him up with the blanket.  
  
He's the best friend I could ask for, albeit being a dude. I mean, he doesn't wear makeup (well, I have it and I don't wear it often either) or talk about boys all the time or anything. Well, at my house he actually let me paint his toenails, but that's about all.  
  
I won't mind dancing with him. Make all the ickle firsties weep in envy, even though it's not like we're dating or anything like that, we're just the best of friends. People are weird like that, huh?  
  
8:29 PM  
  
Percy just stumbled into the common room, pinkish colored lipstick marks smeared all over his cheeks and his lips. He had a huge smile on his face, and he was trembling happily.  
  
Like I wanted to see that.  
  
9:17 PM  
  
I bet he had a good time tonight with her. I wish that that was me, but life is totally unfair, and believe me, I sure do know that as well as anybody, teehee.  
  
Ooh, I'm sleepy. Nighty night.  
  
9:22 PM  
  
Oh how I love my Old Navy shirt and yellow pajama pants. Yellow is a cool color. It's to late at night to be thinking though. I really AM going to sleep now. Bye. 


	10. At Least I Lived To Tell The Tale

Not Crazy, Just Different By Darby Holliwether  
  
September 14  
  
9:04 AM  
  
Last night I dreamed that I turned into a turtle. It was high frightening, if you asked me, even though I like turtles. Anyway, I was in the Great Hall, and all of a sudden I started running around and trying to get someone to transfigure me back into Darby Holliwether but nobody understood.  
  
Apparently I woke up screaming. Great, no everybody thinks I'm insane. Oh well, nothing new I suppose.  
  
10:57 AM  
  
One and a half rolls of parchment on FLOBBERWORMS? What is there to say about FLOBBERWORMS?! Do you think anyone would care if I wrote 'They are boring and disgusting' enough times to fill ONE AND A HALF rolls of parchment? Sheesh, this is just not right, okay?  
  
Mmm. Found a Jolly Rancher in the pocket of my robes.yeah buddy!  
  
12:03 PM  
  
Ugh, I hate chili with a burning passion. Cornbread cakes are okay though. They are BEYOND okay by me. Mmm, corny goodness. And I can just eat the crackers that come with the chili. That Jolly can really hold me over for the rest of classes.  
  
2:36 PM  
  
Did something incredibly stupid just now! I think I am going to cry. Not! Hahaha haha.  
  
Percy comes up to me in the library because Professor Sprout heard about the disastrous flobberworm report and gave us study hall. And he goes "I cannot help but think you don't like Penelope much, Darby."  
  
NO CRAP, SHERLOCK.  
  
No wonder people call Percy brilliant. Although he did tell me once that it really hurts because if he does anything wrong his parents get furious, even though Fred and George do stuff wrong all the time. They just expect him to do stuff right, I guess. Well, moving right along.  
  
I sat there in a dull stupid state.  
  
"What-what do you mean? I think she's great!" I lied through gritted teeth, trying not to meet his eyes. He placed a hand on my shoulder and looked at me with *those eyes* and I pasted on a huge, megawatt (and fake, of course) grin.  
  
"Come on, we both know that you really don't like her!" he said gently. "Now, tonight I told her you might go on a walk with her around the castle tonight.  
  
"Fine. If it makes you happy, Perce," I said with a regretful sigh. If it makes him happy, I guess.  
  
I have the feeling I will regret this though.  
  
I'm socializing with the girlfriend of the guy I love/like very much! Is it just me or is this shockingly awkward?!  
  
KILL ME NOW!  
  
5:39 PM  
  
Scared! So I'm going to wear my luck y boots tonight. Break them in for the dance. Excellent idea, right? I'm such a genius. Muah hahahaha. That way, they'll be nice and walked in and not as, well, slippery on the bottom. Of course, they might as well be fallen down in too. By the end of tonight, they most likely will be. As are most of my shoes.  
  
You know what? I just can't help but fall down in all my shoes. Maybe I could go bare foot. But I have a lot of nice shoes. And of course, I might get my feet stepped on.  
  
Boots, definitely boots.  
  
7:45 PM  
  
It was HORRENDOUS! It's not so much that Penelope was a heinous, evil psychopath or anything like that. It was the exact opposite! She was so nice it was SICKENING! I couldn't stand it, almost! But I did. I have EXCELLENT self control, and didn't say 'bite me' once! Hahahaha. Wicked.  
  
So anyway, I met her on the stairs, and the first thing she did was proceed to screech 'Oh my gosh; it's so nice to meet you, finally! I've heard SO much about you!" And then she proceeded to HUG ME!  
  
So then we began walking, and she was all "I'm really happy you said you'd come and meet me, I really don't know too many of Percy's friends."  
  
So I go "Oh, well, yeah." Brilliant response, if I do say so myself. *rolls eyes* And then I began thinking of ways to run away, but obviously, the terror just HAD to continue, right? Because that's the way it goes.  
  
At least I got to see somebody I knew. Thanks a lot to whomever put him out there. Weird of me, yes.  
  
Derrick was sitting in a big armchair out in the hallway, and waved at me enthusiastically. I waved back.  
  
"That's my date," I informed her after we had walked away.  
  
"Oh, that's great," she said.  
  
"Yeah. It sure is." I ran a hand over the top of my head. There was an awkward pause.  
  
"So, Percy tells me that you have an iguana," she said. My brain froze in my head.  
  
"Uh yeah. What all has he told you about me anyway?" I think I am going to vomit at this very minute.  
  
"Well, that you live with your mom and dad that you call by their first name." She sighed. "That's pretty cool. I wish my parents would do that."  
  
"It's overrated," I grumbled.  
  
"You love Jolly Ranchers, the colors green and yellow, and burning stuff." I blushed. "And you hate people who are all over each other (not to say I'm not guilty of that, as you may have seen) and the color pink, and of course, babysitting."  
  
"Uh, yeah," I said awkwardly.  
  
"And that you kicked Oliver Wood in the-."  
  
"That was a mistake," I said abruptly. Soon, we were back to the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. "Well, I had a good time."  
  
"Me too!" she said happily. I whispered the password and crawled through the portrait hole. Percy was waiting for me.  
  
"So! What do you think?!"  
  
"She's nice. Good catch," I said, walking right past him, and now I'm up here writing in my journal now. Ugh, it's going to take me awhile to get over that little encounter with the unknown. Grrr. I think I'm going to eat some Jolly Ranchers.  
  
7:59 PM  
  
I wonder if Percy noticed I was a little short tempered? Oh well. I was just emotionally scarred for life. Gag me with a fork. Ouchies.  
  
8:23 PM  
  
That's it! I am going to bed!  
  
9:27 PM  
  
Okay, I lied. I cannot sleep. Go to sleep, Darby. Okay. 


	11. Darby Holliwether: Romance Consultant

Not Crazy! Just Different! By Darby Holliwether  
  
9:17 AM  
  
I was sitting in the Great Hall, eating a muffin when Oliver came in and sat next to me. Of course, Percy was off having a fun time with Penelope somewhere. Oliver was visibly and obviously upset and buried his head in his hands. When he sat up, his face was red in anger.  
  
"Women! I just don't get them!" he spat.  
  
"Casey troubling you?" I asked, picking a chocolate chip out of my muffin.  
  
"Yeah. She told me she was wearing a red dress to the dance, and I said 'Oh, red, I thought you were wearing a peach dress.' And so she just FREAKED out and yelled 'Are you saying that I won't look good in a red dress so much as I would in a peach dress?!' and then she ran away!"  
  
"Hmm. That is quite a situation," I said, taking a sip of my blueberry tea. Oliver turned to look at me.  
  
"You're a girl, right?"  
  
"Last I heard."  
  
"Well, what should I do to make it up to Casey?" he asked, eager for some advice.  
  
"Ollie, sweetheart. I don't even understand girls, and I AM one!" I explained.  
  
"Umm, well, if you were in this situation, what would you like for me to do? If you were Casey, you know?" Oliver asked, his face turning red. I slapped an arm around his shoulder.  
  
"Okay, listen here. You need one bouquet of nice, RED flowers and a sincere expression. Now, she's probably, well, she's probably moody for a reason, if you know what I'm saying. So you really need to choose what you say carefully, okay?" Oliver nodded.  
  
"I understand so far. But what am I actually GOING to say?!" he asked, sounding a little panicky.  
  
"So what you do is: you find her and then you give her the flowers and say 'I'm sorry I was confused on the regards of the color of your dress, and I happen to think you will look absolutely gorgeous in what ever you wear.' Trust me, she'll LOVE it," I said, and after a brief pause I continued, "I know I would."  
  
"Aww. Thanks so much, Darby! That's a good idea." Oliver paused and looked me in the eyes. "See, you are a romantic deep down, right?"  
  
"Haha. That's hilarious, Ollie."  
  
"Well, I gotta go find a place to get some flowers!" he said ecstatically. "Thanks again!" I waved as he ran out of the Hall. I continued eating my muffin, alone.  
  
I guess Ollie would be highly embarrassed to have people know he had to ask for love advice from Darby Holliwether. He is, after all, the most popular Gryffindor, I suppose. Aside from Harry Potter, that is. And quite a bit of a, for lack of a less weird term 'ladies man.' Hahaha.  
  
Ahhhhh! Must go, Snape has just noticed me.  
  
11:25 AM  
  
Ugh, we're trying to transfigure a rock into a leaf. Anyway, my rock has turned kind of a greenish color and is shaped a bit like a leaf, but is still a rock. I really suck at this, help me!  
  
Ah, there we go. Now I have a gray, leafy looking object. Hmmm.  
  
3:49 PM  
  
Oliver ran into the common room and shouted to me, from where I was curled up on the sofa reading 'Gone With the Wind' for the billionth time.  
  
"It worked, it worked, it worked!" he cried happily. I smiled dimly and leaned back in my spot on the couch.  
  
"Oh, so my advice actually worked?" I asked, in an amazed tone.  
  
"Did it ever! She actually *cried* when I told her that she'd look pretty in whatever she wore! I have you to thank," Oliver said sappily. I looked up and removed my reading glasses that I only wear on select occasions (they make me look like an owl!) anyway.  
  
"Well, well! So you're back on? Did she get the hint because the flowers were red?" I questioned, excited for him.  
  
"Yep, we're going, and if she did, she didn't say anything. It was a romantic moment, though," Oliver remembered dreamily. I rolled my eyes. When I had instructed him, I didn't want him to turn into a babbling weirdo.  
  
"Where's the real Oliver Wood?!" I asked, sitting up and gesturing for him to sit next to me. "The one who knows nothing about and doesn't care about romance?"  
  
"I'm sorry. So, what are you reading?" he said, snapping back into being normal.  
  
"Gone With the Wind. It's a romantic tale of the Civil War in America," I said dreamily. "It's the best book of all time."  
  
"Sounds weird."  
  
"It isn't. I think you should read it; it might give you some romantic ideas. Here, take it," I said, handing it to him.  
  
"But you're reading it right now," he said, probably not wanting his pals to catch him reading a 'girly' book.  
  
"I've got two of them," I said, blushing. "It's the most excellent book ever. Read it, you might like it."  
  
I then walked up to my room, leaving Oliver to begin reading the book. I just cannot believe that I suggested Oliver Wood read the book 'Gone With the Wind.' I bet he might like it. Hahaha. That's a laugh.  
  
I'm going to the library to write Sammy a letter. The girls I share a room with are giggling wickedly. I bet Derrick is there anyways, so I can check it out. Percy and Penelope might be there too. Grrr. She'll be all 'Ohmigosh, what are you doing here?! It's so nice to see you!' And I'll say 'Uh, yeah.'  
  
I don't know if I can stand it! My brain will explode. But it will possibly do the same if I stick around here much longer!  
  
4:38 PM  
  
Just got back. Derrick and I made plans for the dance, while Percy and Penelope, well, I'm sure you can guess. It really pisses me off to see them kissing and stuff. But Derrick is cool. He said we can dance for a while and then we can go outside and talk for a while. It seems like a good idea.  
  
"You know what?" Derrick said suddenly.  
  
"What?" I asked eagerly.  
  
"I have wanted to ask you to a dance since third year," he said shyly. I smiled and place a hand on his.  
  
"Well, I'm pretty glad you did, Derrick," I replied happily. I really like him. Still, he's no Percy, but I'm giving up on Percy. Yes I am. No I'm not. Grrr.  
  
I have Derrick, and I really like him! So there. No more Percy.  
  
7:52 PM  
  
Never mind! Percy, Percy, Percy. I'm crazy. I really am. I just am SO messed up, that no one will even care if I like him! Oliver's the only one who knows anyway!  
  
Hahahahahahaha.  
  
I think I need to go to bed now before I cause myself and/or others harm. 


	12. What Have I Done To You, Ollie!

Not Crazy, Just Different Diary of A Weirdo (AKA Darby Holliwether)  
  
September 18th  
  
2:31 PM  
  
Haven't written in about three days. Sorry about that, I've just been busy with a lot of heinously horrifying homework assignments. I seriously suspect that those wicked (and I don't use that as a compliment type adjective, mind you) professors or oppressive tyrants meant to instruct us (NOT to take immense pleasure in seeing our anger at having mountains of homework forced on us!) have some sort of conspiracy against us students. Grrr!  
  
Anyways, not much has changed. Ollie and Casey made up, and lately I've been noticing he's been REALLY tired looking. Like he's been staying up later than normal. And he's going up to his room a lot earlier than usual. Add Quidditch practices to that and he's got to be really exhausted. Remind me to look into this, okay? Percy and Penelope continue to put on a public display in the library, Derrick continues to be a sweet heart, Sammy and Chandler continue to write to me constantly and Snape keeps on hating the Gryffindors (what, did you expect for him to suddenly begin to hand out hugs and flowers as we enter his class room?).  
  
I miss Bizzy, with his little spiky back and his poky little fingers. But I'm having a load of fun here with Oliver and the Penelope Kisser. *cough* Did I say 'Penelope Kisser?' I meant Percy. Yes, Percy! Ugh. I suppose I don't mind him kissing/dating her but not in the middle of the library! Gag me.  
  
3:47 PM  
  
Yay! Double yay! When I came home, Seymour was sitting on my bed with an unusually thick letter from Sammy. She has sent me THE DRAGON NECKLACE! I'm so happy, she never loans me that necklace because she loves it so much. Chandler must have convinced her. He's the best (Bizzy hater!!) sometimes!  
  
Anyway, Sammy says recently she's been taking Bizzy around the house on his little blue iguana leash when Chandler is at work. She's happy that she decided to run her business from our house. As I may or may not have mentioned, she's an interior designer, and she's good at it too, even if some of her designs are a little 'different' sometimes.  
  
I'm bored, I think I'll go down and speak with Ollie.  
  
4:26  
  
Muah hahahahaha! I just found out why poor Oliver is just looking SO tired lately! Hahaha, you won't believe it!  
  
It's because he's-  
  
I'm laughing so hard I can hardly write!  
  
It is because Oliver Wood cannot stop reading Gone With the Wind! *rolling on the floor laughing* I'm sorry, it's just so funny! He says it's 'just so addictive that he cannot put it down' and he often stays up until midnight just READING! He's kind of a slow reader, even though he's good at it. He said he'll be reading it forever. Apparently he doesn't mind.  
  
Am I slowly killing the Quidditch captain's masculinity? Will he wake up tomorrow and shuffle down to the Great Hall in a nightgown. Ugh. It's almost dinner, I don't know if I can handle that image in my head as I eat. Even if we are having chicken.  
  
You know, I don't know if you know this, but the chicken is the most HORRIFYING animal on the face of the earth! Sammy says that a rooster can rip one to shreds.  
  
Oh no. I just sat on my reading glasses and they got all bent. Why me? Why freakin' me?! Oh never mind, I fixed the little babies.  
  
Oh gosh, suddenly it just got REALLY hot in here. Going to take off my robes and just wear around my t-shirt and jeans. Even down to dinner. Oh well. In third year I went down in a t-shirt and pajama pants because I was really sick and forgot to change back into my jeans. Oliver and Percy found this HILARIOUS and to this day will not let me forget it. Shows how much they know.  
  
SECRETS AND OTHER HILARIOUS THINGS ABOUT MY BEST FRIENDS  
  
OLLIE  
  
*Sleeps with a stuffed duck when he's at home.  
  
*Dances in front of the mirror when he thinks nobody is looking at him.  
  
*One time, he came into class with one of his eyebrows missing after he burnt it off in a freak potions accident (very hilarious).  
  
*Walked right into the wall and ended up falling down the stairs.  
  
*Loves the book Gone With the Wind (new entry to this list!)  
  
*Cried when we watched Bambi at my house this summer (because A: Sammy and I love that movie and B: We had nothing to do.).  
  
PERCY  
  
*Pretends to be head boy ALL THE TIME! I kid you not.  
  
*Once he dyed his hair green over summer break before third year while playing with his wand (his dad was SO mad!).  
  
*Also cried watching Bambi.  
  
* In first year he accidentally went into the girl's room and actually got into a bed, until I kicked him out. Muah hahaha.  
  
*Didn't know about certain 'things' (if you catch my drift here) until he was in third year, and even then Ollie had to tell him.  
  
*His parents call him 'Moomoo' from time to time because that's what he used to say all the time when he was a little kid.  
  
Of course, even though I could threaten to tell that Oliver reads Gone With the Wind, or call Percy 'Moomoo' in public, they have SO many things to tell people that I have done. If we ever were to get pissed at each other, it would be all out war. People would cry.  
  
Like, they could say how I like Percy (sigh), or how I like to watch children's cartoons on TV when no one is home (What? They make me feel smart!). Oh yes, people would seriously be hurt, and not just emotionally!  
  
Although everyone knows that I'm weird so people would be like "So what else is new?!" I can see it now. Like when I sat on the stairs blowing bubbles one night, and when people thought it was weird, Ollie said "You obviously don't know her very well if you think that THIS is weird. "  
  
Love you too, Oliver.  
  
I think I'll very much enjoy wearing my plain clothes down to dinner, and maybe I'll put my reading glasses on! Brilliant, Darby!  
  
7:09 PM  
  
Hee hee. Derrick came up to me and says "I've never seen your glasses before."  
  
And so I said "Well, I don't wear them that much; they make me look like an owl."  
  
"I think you look nice in them!" he said with a smile. I grinned back at him.  
  
"Thanks! Oh, Percy, this is Derrick. Derrick Bole," I introduced, gesturing to him. "And this is Oliver Wood."  
  
"Nice to meet you," Oliver said in a friendly tone. I know he doesn't like Slytheriens too much, but I really was glad that he put an effort to this.  
  
"I just thought I'd tell you that I am still looking forward to the dance," he said to me (Derrick, not Oliver).  
  
"Oh, yeah, me too!" I said enthusiastically. "And Sammy sent me her necklace that I told you about."  
  
"Oh, that's great!" Derrick kissed me on the cheek. "I've gotta go, I'll see you later."  
  
"Bye." I turned back to Percy and Oliver. "So, he's nice, right?"  
  
"Yeah, he's all right," Percy said.  
  
"Are you *sure* you want to go with him?" Oliver just had to go and ask. I frowned and folded my arms.  
  
"Yes! Get over it!" I insisted, eating a forkful of corn.  
  
What is Oliver so worried about? Derrick is SO sweet!  
  
11:14 PM  
  
I hope he won't try to kill Derrick! 


	13. the Similarities Astound Me!

Not Crazy, Just Different! Captain's Log: Darby Holliwether  
  
September 19th  
  
10:11 AM  
  
Ugh, my throat hurts. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone to sleep with my hair all wet. It was SO hot in the castle we all decided to sleep with the windows open, and it was a brisk-ish breeze outside. I think I'm ill. Let me see, only *counting* twelve (?) days left until the dance. Less than two weeks. Although that's about as long as I have been ready for it. The little first years are writing frantic letters to moms and dads, begging for them to send up their fanciest clothes via owl. I wouldn't trust an owl with that kind of thing, but maybe it's just me.  
  
Well, last night I had a shocking dream. I dreamed I finally decided to go tell Perce that I like him. I walked up and said 'Hey Percy!" And he just started LAUGHING his head off! And he kept looking at me funny while I was trying to get him to be quiet so I might actually be able to TELL HIM. So I looked down to see what was wrong (and even though you should never do that in real life because you may not like what you see! I say, just walk away, or run! But people in dreams have very little sense).  
  
That is when I realized I was TOTALLY and completely NAKED! That's when I woke up in a cold sweat, thrashing about and muttering to myself. It was around one AM and everyone was asleep. Finally I fell asleep (well actually, it seemed like forever but only took a few minutes because I was exhausted). .  
  
MENTAL NOTE (actually it isn't mental because I'm actually writing it down, but I digress) TO SELF: When informing Percy of your interest in him, MAKE SURE you are fully clothed, Darby!  
  
2:17 PM  
  
I cannot help but notice that Oliver keeps looking into his lap for extended periods of time. What is up with THAT? I don't think I even WANT to know what he is looking at.  
  
Ah yes, History of Magic class is riveting. Does Professor Binns not notice half the class is nearly asleep on top of their desks? Another one fourth is made up of people who are actually entertained by this and like to learn about this sort of thing. And the last fourth (the fourth I'm in, of course) haven't been paying attention since the beginning!  
  
2:20 PM  
  
Oh, I see! Ollie's got his book in his lap and keeps READING it!  
  
2:25 PM  
  
Have just embarrassed myself. As soon as I realized what dear Oliver was doing, I started choking and coughing and sputtering, I was laughing so hard. And I just was half laying on my desk because it was just SO funny!!  
  
Everyone was looking at me, and quite a few people were starting to laugh, just because, well, I have a funny laugh. It's kind of like 'huh huh huh' and the like. I need to work on that. My friends (all two of them) say that when I laugh people cannot help but laugh with me.  
  
That's probably since I sound like a goose with it's nose stuffed up.  
  
2:27 PM  
  
But still, Oliver Wood reading Gone With the Wind instead of sleeping in History of Magic class? It's too much for me even to believe! Hello Gone With the Wind, goodbye all dignity.  
  
3:12 PM  
  
Sitting in the common room with Oliver when he just all of a sudden goes "Hey Darby? I've been meaning to ask you something."  
  
"Oh yeah? And what would that be, Ollie? More Casey problems?" I asked, having thought up a lot of romantic things over my days being bored (like in History of Magic, heehee).  
  
"No, it's about the book."  
  
"Okay, shoot," I said, eagerly awaiting this and putting down my letter from Sammy.  
  
"Okay. Scarlett thinks she loves Ashley, right?"  
  
"Yeah, that's right, Ollie."  
  
"But she could have any of the other guys, and Rhett loves her, right?"  
  
"Mmmmhmmm."  
  
"Well why doesn't she get over Ashley and just go with Rhett?" Oliver asked incredulously. It was then Percy walked in from going off with Penelope. Somehow, he found out about Ollie and Gone With the Wind, so it was no big deal, us talking about it. He sat down next to Ollie across from me.  
  
"Oh hello, Percy," he said cheerily. "Darby was just about to explain me something here." I gave a weak grin, looking like a freak (so what else is new?!).  
  
"All right. Go ahead, I wanna hear too," Percy said, grinning like a jack o' lantern. I bobbed my head, looking like one of those dogs Sammy always has in her cars (I like those).  
  
"Well, Oliver. When you love someone, regardless of whether or not they're attached, like Ashley and Melanie are, it's hard to give something like that up." I began staring blankly at the window. "Even if you can tell that he's more happy with her than he's ever been before, and she's so nice you can't help but like her, at least a little."  
  
Oliver gave me a shocked look, putting his hand over his mouth at seeing what I'd said. Percy was totally oblivious to what this answer had in common with him and me and just nodded along, understanding what I was rambling about.  
  
I turned bright red and just kind of hobbled my way over to the door, as Oliver said, regaining composure "Well, Darby, thanks very much for clarifying that for me!"  
  
"Anytime," I whimpered back, having turned my ankle by accidentally stepping in a potted plant (how'd I do that?) in my dazed state.  
  
Sammy had sent me another letter.  
  
I'm crying, I'm actually crying! I need to go talk to the guys.  
  
3:58 PM  
  
I ran into the common room crying like a loon, and all these stupid first years look up at me like I just yelled "THE BRITISH ARE COMING!" or something equally stupid. Well of course the British are coming, everyone I go to school with (mostly I suppose) is British! Anyways.  
  
And I collapsed on the sofa and buried my head in the pillows, trying to remain calm. Gosh, but I did look like a freakin' idiot.  
  
"Darby, what's wrong?" Oliver asked, coming over beside me.  
  
"Bizzy," I choked out. "He ate about four pennies and they're operating on him to get them out!" And then I shouted a string of foul words that'd make a sailor blush.  
  
"Oh, Darby, I'm so sorry," Percy said.  
  
"Yeah, well don't be. It probably would have happened sooner or later," I said angrily, storming back up to my room.  
  
Honestly, I'm SUCH an idiot! It's not like Chandler tried to cut him open with a spork and take the pennies out himself. Animal doctors know what they're doing always. Don't you watch 'Animal Planet' hospital shows?  
  
6:23 PM  
  
Why in the name of Bizzy is Penelope sitting at our table?! Is this NOT allowed, or has there been some sort of rule change?! Go away, shoo! Oliver and I cannot stop looking at them.  
  
Oh gosh, oh gosh, he just fed her a biscuit. Ugh, I think I'm going to hurl all over my grilled cheese?  
  
Why me why me why me?  
  
ARRRRGH!!!! 


	14. A Card, A Toad, And Lots of Pain

Not Crazy-Just Different  
  
Real Events From the Life of Darby C. Holliwether  
  
September 21st  
  
1:17 PM  
  
Didn't write yesterday, I was feeling too sick after hearing about how sick Bizzy was, and seeing Penelope and Percy's little food love festivities. Bleaurgh. I think I just felt sick again.  
  
Why is this bugging me so much?! She's a nice little gal, I suppose. But is this REALLY what he wants?  
  
Why? Why? Why?!  
  
3:21 PM  
  
I can't believe the dance is in eleven days! I'll die! Derrick is so sweet; he left a little note for me (he gave it to Oliver to give me when we got back to the common room) when he told me about how much he was looking for us to go to the dance. I feel loved.  
  
Even if it is not regarding Percy.  
  
It really IS like Gone With the Wind! Percy is Ashley, the dashing (hahaha) man that I want but I cannot have. Derrick is my Rhett, the one I should move onto because he's just SO perfect for me. Penelope is Melanie, and so nice you cannot help but like her I guess a little bit. And of course, I'm Scarlett. I really don't know how Oliver works into this (the wise friend, hahaha), but I'll figure it out.  
  
Why is this SO messed up? It isn't fair! I always end up screwed over in life, and I NEVER get what I want! EVER! This is so not right!  
  
Oh honestly. The world hates me, so I am going to just come to terms with that. Sounds like a plan!  
  
3:32 PM  
  
Oh, why didn't I notice this before? There's a yellow envelope sitting on my pillow! Why didn't I see that? I only noticed after I laid down on it and it made a kind of wrinkling sound.  
  
It's got my name on it in Oliver's blocky sort of handwriting. Maybe it's a secret code or something. Oliver did that a lot last year, sending me and Percy notes with a code in them so that we could all write together secretly.  
  
Sometimes I think that when he took that Bludger to the head in his first game of Quidditch it scrambled his brains.  
  
Anyways, I'm opening it. I have never in my life used a letter opener. I'm fifteen, and I still act like an eight year old when it comes to opening letters and presents, heehee. And I pride myself on that!  
  
Oh, it's a card. It's on green paper and it has the picture I gave Oliver from this summer of him and Percy holding Bizzy that I took glued to the front. He was really freaked out because it didn't move at all like most of the wizard pictures. Weird huh? And it has glitter on it (where did he get glitter? Wait, forget it. I don't even want to know.), and in red ink it says 'In Sympathy' in Oliver's clumsy cursive. He must have been trying to be fancy, how cute.  
  
And on the inside it says "We were sorry to hear about Bizzy being sick, and we hope he gets well soon!" Oh, that's so sweet! It's signed Love From (!!!), Oliver, Percy and-  
  
PENELOPE?!  
  
Why on earth did SHE sign it?! She-she's dating my best friend, who I love secretly (well, Oliver knows, but that's the only other person besides my diary) and expects me to like her? Well, I guess I do sort of, but it's hard!  
  
But still, Oliver and Percy made me a card! Oliver's drawn a little happy face next to his name, and Percy has obviously written the message in the card because he knows that when Oliver writes a lot his handwriting tends to get a little on the sloppy side.  
  
I'm going to run down to the common room and thank them, be back later!  
  
3:59 PM  
  
"Oh, well, it's no big deal," Percy said, turning bright red after I hugged him in the middle of the room.  
  
"Sure it is. I love you guys!" I said loudly. Several people turned to look at us. I glared at them. "Don't you guys have work to do?" They furiously turned back to their work. I walked over to Oliver, who had just walked through the door. I threw my arms around him.  
  
"I take it she got the card?" Ollie said to Percy, who I could tell without looking had nodded furiously.  
  
"Thanks, you guys. I'm writing to Sammy, she probably can give me an update on Bizzy," I informed them. So now I'm up here again, writing to Sammy.  
  
Seymour just left to take her the letter. She'll write back as fast as she can without just drawing a huge scrambled mess of letters just to tell me Bizzy is fine, or at least I hope that's what she'll do.  
  
You know what? I want some ice cream. Ice cream is very important to my diet. Sammy loves ice cream, and she always has some at home.  
  
I love my friends, they're so wonderful. I'd totally go over the edge without them, I suppose. I do that at least once a week, but they're always there to bring me back, that much I know is true.  
  
I sound like a crappy Hallmark card.  
  
6:17 PM  
  
Oh gosh that hurts!  
  
I was running down the stairs to dinner after Oliver, because he had said something rude, which I don't actually remember. I didn't notice Neville Longbottom's toad sitting on the stairs until he yelled, "Look out for Trevor!"  
  
So I dodged the toad (because Bizzy might get mad if I hurt a reptile or an amphibian, of course!) but didn't notice how Percy had stopped right in front of me. So I ran SMACK into him and fell right on my rear end, and started yelling obscenities.  
  
I think I hurt my tail bone. I cannot sit down without hissing like a snake and going 'why me, why me?!' I really hurts, and I just know it'll be a lot worse tomorrow. I can see it now.  
  
And of course, Oliver and Percy found this extraordinarily funny, even though I am in great pain here. Where's the love? When I fell and practically busted something on the hard marble floor, it was ANYTHING but amusing to me.  
  
Apparently I make a hilarious face when I fall down. 


	15. Good News and Then Some

Not Crazy, Just Different  
  
September 25th  
  
2:22 PM  
  
Haven't written in a long time (well, four days). Well, let me tell you, my butt DID hurt all day on the 22nd. And then I went to potions and went up to Snape and I was trying to whisper, because the Slytheriens were there (including Derrick, although I wasn't quite sure he might mind too much).  
  
So Snape, that insolent freak yells "Darby, I cannot hear you. Now say it louder, please."  
  
"I cannot sit down today," I said, ashamed. All the while I was thinking to myself 'OF COURSE YOU HEARD ME! I SAID IT LOUD!'  
  
"Uh huh. And why is that, Miss Holliwether?" My cheeks glowed red.  
  
"It's uh, it's because," I began to stutter, realizing that all the other students were staring at me eagerly awaiting my response to this. "It because I hurt myself falling down the stairs, and it's, uh, in a place that gets a lot of 'chair contact.'" I couldn't bring myself to look at anything except my fingernails, which were short and stubby.  
  
The whole class roared in laughter.  
  
Even Oliver and Percy were hooting. What great friends they were.  
  
"You can sit down, I'm sure," Snape said. ARRRGH! I'm going to get him fired for this! So I slid into the seat next to Oliver, who put his arm around me in a feeble attempt to comfort me. I shrugged his arm off and folded my own.  
  
"I'm sorry, Darby, I didn't mean to laugh," Percy whispered to me from the other side of Oliver, but I turned my head and rested my elbow on the desk in front of me.  
  
I haven't talked to either of them since. I'm not mad at them anyway, but they probably think I'm pissed at them still. They've been avoiding me, I suspect.  
  
OPERATION: Earn My Friends Back is now in operation. Updates to be added soon.  
  
3:34 PM  
  
As Oliver was leaving the classroom, I ran up to him and tapped him on the shoulder, feeling nervous. But why? I mean, he's like a brother to me.  
  
"Darby! I thought you were still mad at me!" Ollie exclaimed, his charming smile on his face.  
  
"I'm sorry; I overreacted, Oliver," I said guiltily. He ran a hand over his hair, messing it up.  
  
"It's all right. Don't you worry about it." I smiled brightly, and hugged him.  
  
4:46 PM  
  
I was sitting in the common room with Percy, wearing my reading glasses on the top of my head and playing with a compass for drawing circles that I had brought with me (because circles are fun to draw). Somehow, I really cut my finger bad and started bleeding. It hurt really bad, so I started to freak out.  
  
Percy hurried over to me, taking my hand (sigh) and holding a tissue over the cut, telling me it'd be all right in a minute. I stared into his eyes (double sigh!) for a measure of time that seemed like hours, until I closed my eyes. What a tease.  
  
He doesn't know I like him.  
  
He will in six days.  
  
Please kill me.  
  
5:00  
  
Gosh I'm hungary. Hungry. Hungary is the country, hungry is in need of food.  
  
I'm such a dork. I've got major problems.  
  
I love Percy Weasley and he has no idea, I may be turning Oliver into a rather feminine sort of fellow, my iguana had surgery because pennies he had eaten had begun to erode in his stomach, my rear end still hurts, Derrick saw me humiliate myself in Potions class, and I cut myself with a compass!  
  
It is better to have loved and lost (or never gotten) than to have never loved at all. Well what do they know? It is better not to have loved than to fall in love with a boy you can't have. That doesn't seem right either.  
  
"It is better to love someone attainable that loves you too, than to love with someone who will most likely never feel the same way about you." A lot different than the real thing, but what can you do.  
  
Percy never will love me though. He's so levelheaded, and I'm aloof and crazy. I just don't see how it could end up the way I want it.  
  
Stop being so depressed Darby. There's more to life than guys.  
  
I guess.  
  
5:02 PM  
  
Of course there is! I've got Bizzy! And speaking of which, Seymour's here with a letter from Sammy! I'm ripping it open.  
  
HE'S OKAY! Oh my gosh, I'm SO relieved! I love Bizzy so much, and I'm glad he's all right! Weee! Maybe somebody DOESN'T hate me! I knew he'd be all right! I love him so much!  
  
Sammy says he's fine! And she says last night she walked in my room to feed Bizzy, and CHANDLER was in there feeding him! My daddy is so wonderful sometimes! Of course, he told her that he thought she was still working. But we know better.  
  
And Granny Davis sent me some new toe socks! Yay! They must have been on sale. Oh wait, they've got iguanas on them! She must like Bizzy at least a little bit, right? Or maybe she just figured I'd like them.  
  
Well, I DO like them!  
  
6:49 PM  
  
I walked into the common room after dinner. Oliver wasn't there for dinner. And then I found out why.  
  
He was sitting on the sofa, crying! I can't believe it. So I sat down next to him. He stared at the coffee table.  
  
"Why are you crying?" I asked, trying to be nice about it. He looked even more distressed, if that was possible.  
  
"I don't know!" he wailed. I hugged him tightly.  
  
"Well, at the risk of sounding like a shrink, what are you feeling?" I asked lamely. I wiped a tear away from under his eye.  
  
"I don't know, I just don't know," he said softly, another tear falling in place of the other one. I wiped it away also, and handed him a tissue.  
  
"Come on now, don't cry. Now, are you all right?" I asked, hoping no one would walk in at the risk of embarrassing him. He nodded slowly.  
  
"Thanks, Darby."  
  
"No problem." There was a long pause. "You know what? I need to get to the library to write the report about, well, I don't remember exactly what, but I've got it written down." He smiled weakly. "So do you want to come?"  
  
"Sure. Let me get my stuff."  
  
"Okay, I'll get mine."  
  
I hope he's all right. It isn't every day that Oliver Wood, tough-as-nails (well, sort of) Quidditch captain cries. Poor guy. I really feel bad for him right now. He'll be all right though, come to think about it, he did this once in third year.  
  
Not to say that I haven't done this kind of thing at least twice a year.  
  
9:07 PM  
  
Finished my report, yay!  
  
Now I can go to sleep, wheee! 


	16. If You've Got A Percy Issue, Here's A Pe...

Not Crazy-Just Different  
  
A Saga of Extreme Proportions: The Darby Holliwether Story (heh heh)  
  
September 29th  
  
10:19 AM  
  
Two more days! I cannot believe this. And Percy will find out I like him in two days. I'm dancing with Oliver in two days. I'm having a great time with Derrick in two days.  
  
Two days!  
  
You know what? I think that my brain is going to explode from the pressure of all of this PRESSURE! DEATH!  
  
Well, super duh! You can't live without a brain, right?  
  
Gosh, I'm thinking about this too much.  
  
But still, can't you just see that happening to me though? And WHAT a way to go! Go out with a bang. Hahahaha, oh Darby, you slay me!  
  
11:45 AM  
  
I'm getting nervous just THINKING about the dance! Wait a minute, I'm a rebel (Muah hahaha), I don't care about this! Until Derrick asked me, I would either A) Not go at all or B) Go with Oliver and Percy and be a miserable, whiny third wheel!  
  
You know what? I don't particularly want to wear a skirt. Maybe I'll just wear my jeans and my white shirt, and my boots and my (okay, well, Sammy's anyway) dragon necklace! That sounds like a really good idea to me, for some reason anyway.  
  
I think that would be suffice. I would like that.  
  
Well, I'm going to get ready to eat lunch. Takes SO much preparation, right? Heeheehee.  
  
3:22 PM  
  
I talked to Oliver today, who has suddenly gotten sort of pale and what not. He needs to get more sleep. I don't know why I'm getting so worried about him though. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself, correct?  
  
Percy is OBSESSED with the dance and Penelope! Gosh, you'd think that the frickin' Minister of Magic was coming to give us money! It's just a dance! Am I the only sane one here?! Don't you answer that! I think everyone around here has lost their minds; it's crazy!  
  
Just found out they're giving us the day after the dance off. Hurrah. I think I shall do a happy dance-not! Sorry for being so critical and whatnot; I'm kind of in a pissy mood.  
  
At least I can fully write down what happened and send it off to Sammy, who will probably frame the letter and put it up in the hall way. Now that could be highly embarrassing! But what thing that happens to me ISN'T embarrassing?!  
  
You know what? I am getting SO sick of hearing about Penelope! Just the other day, Percy goes 'You guys, isn't Penelope great?" It was SCARY, I had to hold back a scream. So I bit my lip, and Oliver and I just nodded sheepishly.  
  
Arrrgh! I cannot stop worrying about Oliver! I can't help but think he needs to talk to me or something. I know it sounds incredible idiot-ish, but it just broke my heart when I saw Ollie crying, poor guy.  
  
Fudge. Seymour's pecking me. Oh, that's right! I wrote Sammy a letter. She'll want it, I guess.  
  
Now get out of here, owl. He's a good, reliable owl, but he sure does hurt me sometimes! He used to bruise me because I wouldn't push him away because I was scared I would hurt him. Now I know better. He's the one who hurts me, the crazy bird!  
  
There we go, I've got my clothes laid out. I'm so organized and efficient. Me, organized? Hahahaha, don't, you're cracking me up! This is from the person who once lost her house key for three months because she stuck it in the flowerpot on the kitchen windowsill while washing the dishes that Sammy *coughs* forgot to wash (AKA just didn't want to do anyways).  
  
4:01 PM  
  
WHY WHY WHY? Why couldn't I have told Percy on the day I discovered I like him?! This is just unfair! I know he likes Penelope lots, but what's wrong with me? I'm nice, most of the time, I'm loyal (but I'm not a Hufflepuff, muah hahaha), I don't have three eyes, I chew with my mouth closed, and I bathe! What is the matter with me?  
  
I know we're like, best friends but what is up with that? I LIKE him! It's not fair! Why did I have to be so SHY? We could be the ones putting on a show in the library! Not that I'd do that sort of thing, of course, I don't want people judging my kissing skills or whatnot. Now THAT'D be embarrassing, if anything would be!  
  
PERCY! PERCY! PERCY! Gosh, I really have gone off the deep end. Must go speak to Oliver.  
  
Maybe he can bring me back to earth.  
  
5:17 PM  
  
"Hey, Ollie," I said, entering the common room. Oliver sat, legs crossed, on top of the coffee table and playing with his Chocolate Frogs cards. He looked up at me as I flopped listlessly onto the sofa.  
  
"Hey. What's up?"  
  
"Not much. Just having an obsessive moment, followed by a near collapse of my brain," I said dully, covering my eyes with my hands.  
  
"Having a 'Percy moment' again, Darby?" he asked sympathetically.  
  
"Yeah. It's just, well, have you ever liked someone you knew probably wouldn't ever like you back?" I asked slowly, hands still over my eyes.  
  
"I think I can imagine that," Oliver said blankly. I sighed, exasperated.  
  
"It's just-well, I think I'm in emotional peril, here Oliver!" I said lamely.  
  
"You think you're in emotional peril?" he said, half under his breath. I removed my hands from over my eyes and looked at him sadly.  
  
"I've been going on and on about myself and my problems, right? I've been ignoring you?" He nodded slowly. I sat up, moving to sit next to him. I put an arm around him and rested my head on his shoulder.  
  
"It's all right, Darby, happens to the best of us," he said dismissively.  
  
"No, it doesn't. You're my best friend, I shouldn't take you for granted," I said sappily, hugging him. He smiled grimly.  
  
"You don't take me for granted, Darby. Everyone has their moments. Especially when they like someone who doesn't know it," he added absently. "I can't blame you."  
  
"No, come on. Okay. So how are your classes going?"  
  
"Well, you know, boring, lame, and just overall annoying."  
  
"I expected that, Ollie. So, how are things with Casey?" I asked quietly.  
  
"Great," he mused. I smiled.  
  
"That's good." I don't know why I was still hugging him. He seemed pretty sad, even though what he was saying betrayed my instincts. "So, you excited about the dance?" I asked, finally letting go of him.  
  
"Sure I am, who isn't?" Oliver said, staring off into space.  
  
Well, me, I guess. That's who isn't.  
  
OKAY, fine! I lied!  
  
10:24 PM  
  
I could not be more excited! I'm just better at hiding it, that's all!  
  
And I pride myself on that! 


	17. Dance Preperations and Something Weird

Not Crazy, Just Different! The Hogwarts Diary of Darby Clover Holliwether  
  
September 30th  
  
9:08 PM  
  
The only thing that allows me not to fall asleep is that I told Percy to poke me in the back of the head if I start to doze off. It's not that I'm tired, it's that as I've said before, History of Magic is THE most boring class EVER! It's just our professor droning on and on and laughing at his own jokes, which aren't funny.  
  
I hate being in such a miserably angry mood.  
  
Oh no! Oliver has just started making these hilarious faces at Percy and I and I am kind of choking, and Percy is snorting into his History of Magic book, pretending to have a hacking cough.  
  
Forget it. Mostly everyone is nodding off, and I have a feeling I'll need the extra rest today so I can have some energy tomorrow, even though I can sleep late because they've cancelled classes (hurrah!) for tomorrow. Well, even if the dance is a total disaster, at least we have no classes for two days, yeehaw!  
  
See? Everything has an up side, I guess. Or maybe I'm lying! I'm just not totally sure.  
  
Well, I'm off (not really) to fall asleep on top of my desk. Nighty night.  
  
10:54 PM  
  
Ah, I had a nice nap. I dreamed about, well, nothing! Heeheehee! That is a total first for me, you might say. Oh how sad and/or amusing that may be. But still, I LOVE having weird dreams, it's fun!  
  
Feeling confused. I'm nervous/excited about the dance, and I don't know exactly how much I'll be able to do. I can imagine the whole scene unfolding tomorrow. It'll be like a bad horror movie.  
  
Me and Derrick are sitting outside under the stars, when all of a sudden, Snape goes UTTERLY insane and come up and re-enacts Psycho on us! Even though we won't be in a shower or climbing up the stairs to meet the mother or whatever, but I think you got my drift, right?  
  
What am I talking about again? Sorry, I'm losing focus. But on what? Sometimes (wait a tick, all the time) I confuse myself.  
  
Sorry. As I've said before, I'm sort of WIRED right now. Wait, make that REALLY wired right now. Not weird, wired. Hyper. BONKERS!  
  
Yep. That pretty much describes me, right?  
  
3:27 PM  
  
I feel like jumping on my bed, that'll be fun.  
  
3:30 PM  
  
Ouch! Fell off of the bed and clocked myself on the head by hitting it on the bed post, yee-ouch!  
  
Ooh, Sammy has sent me a letter. She says Chandler actually feeds Bizzy now, and cleaned his cage out last week or something like that. Maybe my dad is warming up to my adorable little (actually, he's not quite so little anymore) iguana.  
  
3:49 PM  
  
What's this? Oh my gosh! Chandler has enclosed a note that, as a PS, reads: 'Remember, your mother and I love you. And tell this boy you're going with that if he tries anything funny that your father will seriously make sure that he won't be able to try anything else funny for a long, long time.' I swear, I kid you not!  
  
What is the matter with him?! I know he wouldn't be able to hit Derrick or anything. Besides, any guy I'd be dancing/interacting with wouldn't 'try anything funny,' as Chandler says. Well, let me see. Derrick and Oliver are the only ones I'll be dancing with. Maybe Percy, teehee. Evil intentions abound!  
  
Well, Percy and Derrick are total gentlemen, and probably too shy to 'try anything funny' (there's that phrase again!), although Derrick has kissed me on the cheek a few times. How romantic.  
  
And as for Oliver? What are you talking about, he's my best friend!  
  
So on the whole, I don't think anything funny will be tried on me tomorrow night. I'm as safe as a kitten. I don't like cats, one scratched me when I was a little kid and now I'm afraid of them. EVIL! Horrifying.  
  
Anyways, I think I'll just go talk to Oliver. Percy is off somewhere. Penelope is trying to teach him to dance. Not that he needs to find out. It's OLIVER that needs some lessons. He's not clumsy at Qudditch, but he has two left feet (not literally, of course, muah hahaha) otherwise.  
  
I am feeling rejuvenated because of my invigorating nap. Yay!  
  
4:23 PM  
  
Weird and slightly (EVER so slightly, I might add) ego-damaging (not that I really needed my already dwindling ego to get damaged in any sort of way) occurrence. I walked down to the common room, where Ollie was sitting and sort of just STARING at the fire (it's still kind of hot outside, why do we need a fire? Maybe that's why it's gotten to be so hot in here all the time!). It was creepy, if you asked me. So I go and sit next to him.  
  
"Oliver, I'm worried about you," I blurted finally, after a long pause. He sort of whipped his head around to look at me, a weird expression on his face.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You just seem so, I don't know, sad all the time. I don't know," I confessed softly.  
  
"Don't worry about me," he said abruptly. "I'm fine." I was kind of hurt by his tone, but that's all right with me, it's not the first time (by far) that I've been snapped at. I don't know why, he just seemed so sad. I hugged him tightly.  
  
"I'm not so sure," I whispered. He patted me on the top of the head like a little dog. "You're all tense. Are you sure you're all right? Want me to rub your shoulders? I'm good at that sort of thing."  
  
"Nah, it's just from Quidditch practices and stuff," he said slowly. "I'm fine, really," Oliver added, in a sort of wavering tone. "I'm just thinking." I ruffled his hair.  
  
"If you're sure," I said in a regretting tone, standing up. "So we're still on for our dance, right, Ollie?"  
  
"Sure we are," he said, smiling. And there was that familiar looking glint in his eye, even if it was for just a second. I smiled back and walked away.  
  
He's scaring me. I really hope he's all right. I'd die if I knew he was keeping something really bad from me.  
  
8:38 PM  
  
I can't believe the dance is tomorrow afternoon! I'll never be able to use the girl's bathroom, because it'll be filled with first years caking on makeup that they'll need a trowel to remove by the end of the day. What fun. I can't imagine why I myself don't want to put on full clown attire and go and try to look cool while doing some stupid dance I saw on a music video or something. The sheer brilliance behind those actions is beyond me.  
  
9:13 PM  
  
No makeup. No skirt. No dress. Going simple, that's me.  
  
I can't wait until tomorrow! The dance starts at six. I can't believe I am getting so worked up over this. 


	18. The Big Hogwarts Dance!

Not Crazy-Just Different  
  
The Diary of Darby C Holliwether  
  
October 1st, Day of THE DANCE  
  
7:15 AM  
  
I just was woken up by my roommates scrambling around, waking up at the sound of someone's alarm, set for 7:14 AM. Why is this? Well, you got me there. They're crazier than I am sometimes, and believe you me, that is saying something.  
  
I'm keeping my little bed canopy curtain thingies closed to save my sanity. And the fact that my hair is very snargy right now. Although a lot of the time I look like this.  
  
Okay, I think that instead of just going to bed as I usually might, I will just stay awake and sit on my bed in my PJs and write in my journal. It'll be more fun than letting them do my makeup for their own SICK pleasure. Sick, sick, sick. The guys are lucky, they don't have to get woken up by their roommates who, at SEVEN AM are already running around trying to get ready and testing makeup and stuff like that. That's ridiculous!  
  
7:34 AM  
  
Oliver and I were sitting at the breakfast table. He was putting his eggs into little designs on his plate, like he used to, but this time, his heart just wasn't in it. I stared at him and took a drink of some coffee. I dashed pepper all over my eggs and stirred them up, just the way I like them.  
  
"Are you sure you're all right?" I asked him. He looked up at me, a little hint of anger on his face. This had happened many times before in the last couple of days. What can I say; I'm a protective sort of girl.  
  
"Yes, Darby. For the last time, I am fine. It's just that I'm not feeling very well and stuff!" Oliver insisted.  
  
Well, I am NOT going to drop it. He is not fine. There's something wrong with him; I know there is. But I just shrugged.  
  
"Okay, fine. What ever you tell yourself," I said, finishing my eggs and standing up, leaving the Great Hall.  
  
He is SO stubborn! What if he needs some sort of help and he wouldn't admit it and something bad happens to him? I'd die; I don't know how I could live with myself after that. Whoa, easy Darby. Nothing has happened to him.  
  
I hope it won't though. He's my best friend.  
  
9:14 AM  
  
My arm hurts! Is it going limp and trying to prevent me from going to the dance? Oh wait, I've just been laying on it kind of while I sit on the couch. Haha, I knew that, of course.  
  
Now my arm has totally gone numb, and it's all tingly right now. Ouchies. It's distracting me while I'm trying to write! What if my arm falls off? Then I can pick it up and hit people with it and stuff. What fun  
  
5:49 PM  
  
I am scrambling to get dressed right now. I was playing Solitaire (by myself, of course) and I just lost track of time. There we go. Oh man! I'm still in my t-shirt! Where is my white shirt? Where, where, where? It just disappeared, I don't believe it!  
  
Oh, wait a minute. It was under my pillow. How did it get there? Well, at least I found it, right? Sheesh, I almost panicked there for a second, you guys! Luckily, I managed to stay calm!  
  
Okay, I lied! I was about to have my brain explode there for a little minute, or maybe a long minute. I was ready to start SCREAMING obscenities and flailing my arms around and jumping up and down and accidentally vandalizing things or something like that!  
  
Oh well, I feel like it's all resolved now. I'm going to have a good time tonight with Derrick and Percy and Oliver and everybody. It'll be so great, I just know it. And then I can get this Percy thing off of my chest, and Oliver will be happy again and everything will be just peachy keen, right?  
  
Oh my gosh! It's time for me to go! WISH ME LUCK!  
  
11:44 PM  
  
I DIDN'T TELL HIM! Crime in Italy, what is the matter with me?! It's just not the way I wanted things to go! I was going to, and it wasn't like I didn't have the opportunity or anything like that, but I am such a wuss! I can't do anything right, can I?!  
  
Anyways, I had a great time! As soon as I got there, Derrick hurried over. He looked so cute in his blue sweater and khakis! I knew right then that I'd be having a great time as soon as I saw the look on his face.  
  
"Hi, Darby!" he exclaimed enthusiastically, taking a hold of my hands. "You look so great!" he said, glancing around the room at all the people in dressy clothes and frothy-skirted from dresses. It was a nice moment, I guess. So I smiled at him.  
  
"You look good too! I'm glad we decided to not get too dressed up or anything fancy for this dance, Derrick," I said, in a chipper mood already, wanting to shout for some reason. The music was loud, and I was too distracted by my date to even notice where it was coming from.  
  
"So, do you want to dance?" Derrick asked after a few minutes. I grinned.  
  
"Thought you'd never ask," I said, excited that someone actually wanted to dance with ME, the girl who writes commercial slogans all over my trunk for a fun time, the girl who likes to pretend she can fly when no one is around.  
  
So we danced until there was a slow dance, and then we danced then, too. And just let me say, Derrick is a GREAT dancer! It was very, very fun.  
  
"Where'd you learn to dance so well?" I asked. Derrick blushed.  
  
"When I was twelve my parents forced me to take dancing lessons over the summer. And I can't forget to say that YOU are a good dancer too, Darby. So where did YOU learn?" Derrick questioned.  
  
"My parents are really not into that sort of thing," I admitted. "I used to watch a lot of old movies and stuff like that, and so I just sort of, well, I guess I just picked up on it after awhile. Sammy and Chandler don't really know about it, and they're more into doing the music instead of dancing to it, you know?" I explained.  
  
"Wow, I didn't know that," he mused. I smiled.  
  
"Well, I don't really like people to know that I actually am into that stuff. I like skateboarding and rollerblading and stuff better than that sort of thing. But I do have a girly side regarding sometimes," I informed him. He chuckled.  
  
"I guess I suspected that when you said you didn't want to wear a dress," he replied.  
  
"How did you know I'm not just an individual?" I said, joking of course. Derrick smiled.  
  
"Because, Darby, everyone knows that you, well, no offense, but we all know that you aren't exactly like everybody else," Derrick said, looking at me, but grinning. He's got a different grin. It isn't like Oliver's, all charming and the like, but his is fun and kind of goofy, even. Not that he's 'goofy' or anything like that.  
  
Anyways, we danced a couple more slow dances, and Derrick decided to go and get himself some punch (after I said I didn't want any right then) and use the bathroom. So Oliver comes up to me.  
  
"Can I have this dance?" he asked with a shy smile, but in a confident voice. It was the first time I have seen him smile in days. He extended a hand out to me, offering it to me in an invitation to dance.  
  
"Well, of course you may, sir," I said as I took his hand. Now, Oliver may have two left feet but at least he isn't afraid like some of the guys to hold you closer than half a foot away, and Derrick isn't either. And he's very sincere in his dancing/stumbling around.  
  
Oliver clomped over the toe of my boot and blushed. "Look, Darby, I'm sorry if I've been worrying you or whatnot," Ollie said quietly and slowly. "It's just I haven't really been myself. And I wanted to thank you for being there for me lately, and I'm sorry for being a royal pain. And if I've hurt you or anything, then I am truly sorry, and I hope you can be able to forgive me." He blushed even brighter.  
  
"Aww, Oliver, it's all right. I mean, it's not the first time either of us has done anything like that. Remember, I do stuff like this quite a little bit too. And don't worry about it," I said softly. I fluffed the hair on the back of the his head. "You're so sweet."  
  
"So we're cool then?" he asked as if confirming it. I grinned and bobbed my head happily. Oliver beamed.  
  
"Of course we are. I love you. You're like a brother to me," I said, playing with the hair on the back of his head again.  
  
"Well, Darby, I love you too, you're like my sister. You're great," Oliver said with a smile. He trampled my foot again too, and I must have grimaced or something like that. "Sorry. I just suck at dancing!"  
  
"That's okay. Hey, I can teach you. Aren't we having another dance in January or something like that?" I recalled hearing something like that a while ago.  
  
"Yeah, I heard that too. You know what? I think I could use the instruction."  
  
"No offense, but I agree with you on the matter of your dancing abilities. And of course, I can teach you. I taught myself, right? How hard can that be?" I asked, although thinking to myself that Ollie might be a more difficult case in this matter.  
  
"Oh, that's right, I always forget about that. You know what? I think that you should be a dance instructor, Darby," Oliver suggested.  
  
"Oh come on, sweetie. We both know I want to be a lawyer. But hey, I know that dancing is something I'm good at. Which is kind of ironic, since I a pretty clumsy regarding other stuff. Like that whole tailbone incident," I reflected.  
  
"Like me with Quidditch!" Oliver said. "I guess that if I wasn't being so careful I'd probably kill someone with my dancing tonight." I smiled.  
  
"Oh, that's not that bad. You're concentrating too much. Just let go and don't focus so much." I ran a finger down his cheek. "See, you're doing better already, right? Oh, and by the way, I have a suggestion as to a way for you to not be so self conscious and stuff about dancing," I began.  
  
"Really? What would that be?" he asked, amused. I traced my finger down his cheek a second time.  
  
"Don't be so hard on yourself! Dancing is supposed to be fun!" I cried.  
  
"That might help," Oliver agreed.  
  
"Oh, I forgot to tell you how nice you look tonight," I remembered. He wore black jeans and a white wool sweater. He looked really dressed up and at the same time, a lot like he always does.  
  
"Yeah, I know I do, don't I?" Ollie said in a put on, cocky tone. "I'm just kidding. And might I say, you look dashing," he said, emphasis on 'dashing.'  
  
"Aww, well, thank you," I said. There was a short pause, and I continued ruffling his hair. "I'm just so happy."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It just seems like you're a lot happier today!" I said happily.  
  
"I-I guess I am," he agreed after a short pause. I rested my palm on his cheek.  
  
"I'm so glad, Ollie."  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"Because, Oliver. I care about you. It was killing me to see you so sad." He didn't say anything for a long time, just looked at me in a weird way. "Ollie. Why are you staring at me?"  
  
"You look so pretty tonight," he mused. I blushed.  
  
"Oh, that's so sweet!" I said, flattered. The song ended slowly. Oliver gave me a friendly peck on the cheek walked over to join Casey, who was talking to Penelope.  
  
Derrick joined me a few songs later because apparently he had been talking to someone he knew. Percy and I made idle chat. But NOTHING surfaced about me liking him at all, not a single thing.  
  
Why didn't I just tell him? It isn't fair that I should be such a little chicken! Arrgh! When did I get to be such a pansy-like wuss?! I am in need of a serious wake up call. I mean, besides the fact that he COULD laugh hysterically in my face and spread it around, what is THE WORST thing that could even possible happen?  
  
Anyways, Derrick and I, along with Percy and Penelope and Oliver and Casey, all danced in the Great Hall, which was decorated with black and orange streamers and had the tables shoved out of it, until eleven thirty, when the band got sick of playing for just three couples.  
  
I JUST CANNOT BELIEVE that I didn't tell him!  
  
Still, I had SUCH a GREAT time!  
  
We should have dances everyday! Not! Still, it was great.  
  
I am SO tired. I'm going to sleep. At least I don't have to stay up using foul products to remove my makeup. Muah hahahahaha. The poor girls.  
  
Hahahaha! I cannot help but feeling very, very smart for not putting on my clown/Mime attire for only a few hours.  
  
LIFE IS GOOD. 


	19. I Need To See a Hand Doctor or Something

Not Crazy-Just Different! Today on Biography: DARBY HOLLIWETHER  
  
October 2nd  
  
9:02 AM  
  
Mmm. Just woke up and remembered the glorious events of last night's dance. Derrick is a great guy. And Oliver is happy again! And, well, um, Percy doesn't know I like him. GRRR!  
  
Why didn't I tell him? I am SUCH a frickin' wuss! What is the worst that could happen? Seriously, it isn't like he'd laugh at me I guess!  
  
Fudge. I slept through breakfast. Arrgh, I'm such a fool. Anyways, I'll just eat some Jollies instead to hold me over.  
  
9:15 AM  
  
Mmm. That was a great breakfast. I'm going to talk to Ollie.  
  
4:35 PM  
  
Oh man, my hand is KILLING me.  
  
Well, I went downstairs to the common room. He was sitting on the sofa reading Gone With the Wind, half laying down with his feet on the couch, something that drives McGonagall crazy. Hahaha.  
  
"Hey Ollie," I said, sitting down next to him and looking over the top of the book to see what part he was reading.  
  
"Hi Darby," he said in his old cheery way, which was a refreshing change from his misery that had plagued him before.  
  
You know what? I think I just realized I don't like Percy anymore! SUCCESS! Anyways.  
  
"So what's up with you?" I asked, settling back.  
  
"Oh. My parents sent me a letter, and they said I can't come home for Christmas because apparently they've decided to go on a cruise," Ollie said glumly.  
  
"Really? That's too bad. Where are they going?"  
  
"Ugh. They're going to Hawaii, or something like that. One of those tropical sort of places."  
  
"Really? Hmm. I can ask Sammy if you can come back with me for Christmas. The grandparents will be there a lot, but Sammy and Chandler LOVE you and Percy," I thought out loud. "Was Percy going to be going home?"  
  
"No, I think that his parents were going to see his brother. Charlie, I think."  
  
"Oh, awesome! My mom and dad won't care. They said they're sorry about missing my birthday, though," Oliver said bitterly.  
  
"That's right! Your birthday is the 23rd, right?" I asked.  
  
"Twenty fourth."  
  
"Oh, yeah. I was just testing to see if you remembered. Hey, Christmas Eve. That's cool," I mused.  
  
"Pretty much. Double the presents," he agreed.  
  
"Cool. I'll write to the 'rents and see if you two can come," I confirmed.  
  
"So, even Chandler likes me?" Oliver asked, a smile on his face. He knows as well as I do that there aren't many people Chandler likes. One time I put up a poster of Geoff Rowley and he came in my room and took one look at it and said "You know what? He looks a lot like Andy Griffith." WHAT! He just said that to get a rise out of me. What does a good looking skateboarder have in common with ANDY TAYLOR, sheriff of Mayberry?!  
  
Sometimes I think I my grandparent's apparent 'sane' genes skipped a generation with my parents. I love them, but they're WEIRD!  
  
"Yeah! I mean, I've only been attempting to explain Quidditch to him for four years. And then you do it in ten minutes! I've made charts and diagrams, and you do it with a napkin and your 'Quidditch captain' token understanding of the game," I said in disbelief. "He loved that! Usually, he doesn't like anybody (except Sammy and I)."  
  
"I guess so. I mean, he hates your iguana, right?" Oliver said.  
  
"Well, actually, Sammy told me he feeds Bizzy now a lot," I recalled.  
  
"Oh really?" I nodded. "That's cool. Hey, at least he let me walk Bizzy around the house even when he was home from work."  
  
"Oh man, he used to HATE IT when I did that," I mused with a small chuckle.  
  
"What is his job anyways?" Oliver asked suddenly. "I never really picked up on that."  
  
"He's a civil engineer. He fixes sewers and parking lots. It's boring. I only go to work with him sometimes to play on the fire escape and raid their candy dish," I confessed. Ollie doubled over in laughter.  
  
"I can just imagine you, sitting out on the fire escape eating Jollies and reading Gone With the Wind," Oliver said.  
  
"You know, I've gotten locked out on that fire escape several times in the middle of winter. It's NOT fun," I replied.  
  
"I can imagine. Hey, I'll write to my parents tonight and ask."  
  
"Neat, I'll write mine too. Hey, do you want to play Hand Tennis?" I asked.  
  
"All right. But I know I can beat you!" So we held left hands and delivered solid smacks to the other person's hand. This went on for ten minutes, until my hand our hands were bright red. Oliver just all of a sudden SLAPPED my hand as hard as he could, and he's very strong, albeit a little skinny looking.  
  
"Ahhhhh!" I yelled, dropping his hand and clutching my own and blowing on it quickly and frantically.  
  
"Oh my gosh, I'm SO sorry!" Oliver said, grabbing my hand quickly. "I thought you might be able to take that!"  
  
"Well, look! You exploded some of my blood vessels, I think!" I squealed, jabbing a finger at the general direction of some dark red spots that were springing up on my hand as we spoke.  
  
"Darby, I'm sorry! It was an accident. And I think you hurt MY hand too!" Oliver said loudly, holding up his hand for me to see.  
  
"Oh fine. Anyways, it doesn't hurt to bad. I'm tough," I lied, with a fake smile. Oliver gave me a look. "Okay. Let me see," I ordered, snatching at his hand. It was red. I jabbed at it. "Does this hurt?" I said, jokingly.  
  
Oliver howled. "Jeez, Darby! That HURT!" he whimpered.  
  
"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "I just couldn't help it." He scowled. I held his hand in mine. "Ouch. Sorry I slapped you, even though YOU slapped ME even harder!"  
  
Ollie shrugged. "Hey, don't blame me because YOU suggested it first, Darby," he reminded me.  
  
"Fine, whatever," I grumbled. I covered his hand with my own.  
  
"Sheesh, Darby. You sure can hurt a guy. I mean, so far this year, you've backhanded Flint, kicked me in 'the bad spot' and slapped the crap outta my hand. What are you going to do now, poke Snape in the eye with a pencil if he yells at you?" Oliver complained, an amused look on his face.  
  
Well, that IS true. I have caused and received a lot of pain this year, what with hurting guys who make me angry and the tailbone incident (as I still refer to it out of spite).  
  
10:34 PM  
  
My hand hurts! MEMO TO SELF: Kill Oliver! 


	20. Snape Fall Down and Go Boom!

Not Crazy-Just Different A Tale of Two-Aw, forget it, it's the diary of Darby Holliwether  
  
October 5th  
  
8:17 AM  
  
Yay, yay, yay! Sammy and Chandler agreed that Percy and Oliver could come and stay with us! Well, I assume that Sammy had to talk him in to it, or at least use some sort of persuasion. Oh well. And Ollie and Perce said their parental units said okay.  
  
So we're leaving on the 18th of December, yippee! I can hardly wait for December! It's going to be totally great.  
  
If I don't write a lot, it's because the professors have been especially brutal with homework lately. And of course, that is never a good sign, mark my words!  
  
You know what I realized recently? I wish I had a little brother or sister. I can picture it now. I get home from Hogwarts, and Sammy and Chandler and my two little siblings (a brother and a sister) are waiting for me in a red Mustang (a girl can dream). And they're all happy to see me.  
  
Although in real life I get picked up by Sammy and Chandler in Chandler's practically ancient truck. And even though that's fun too, I guess, I feel lonely sometimes.  
  
Got to go, McGonagall is currently giving me the evil eye.  
  
9:56 AM  
  
You know, I was just remembering something else that happened when Oliver and Percy came to my house over the summer (summer, I miss it so!).  
  
It was a nice, clear day, and Sammy and Chandler were going to some reunion at their high school (because the two of them were best friends in high school who fell in love. That' so romantic.). Me, Percy and Oliver were looking forward to a day full of no parental intrusion. So Sammy and Chandler walk out the door with their suitcases (they stayed for four days, heehee), and Ollie just LEAPS onto the sofa and starts doing the twist.  
  
He had seen it on a movie the night before, just FYI.  
  
Anyway, Percy and I were sitting on the hearth, and Ollie was still dancing, and we were all laughing like crazy, when Granny Davis walks in the door. I screamed as loud as I could because Granny scarred the living crap outta me (she's not as nice as my other grandma, and she looks a little like a feminine version of Snape. Wait a tick, Snape does look feminine! Aha. Ahahahaha. Fine, I'm moving along!).  
  
And so I said "Granny Davis! It's so nice to see you! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Well," Granny said, still looking at Oliver, who was frozen in mid-Twist on the couch. "Sammy asked me if I could come check on you every day, just to make sure any-." There was a pause. "-questionable activities occurring."  
  
"Oh," I replied lamely. I tried to appear like I had no idea what she was saying, but I knew that Granny was paranoid I would buy drugs from our neighbors or have a huge party or anything. No one trusts Darby Holliwether, no one!  
  
"Who are these young men?" she asked, clasping her hands together and glancing around the room, where the tasseled pillows Sammy and I made for the sofa were tossed on the floor, propped up against to door to our screened in deck (Sammy actually REFUSED to move into a house that didn't have one, heehee!).  
  
"Uh, Granny, these are my friends. From school. My school. Hogwarts," I said hesitantly. Granny really is a little wary of hearing about my magic- ness, you might say. I guess it makes her nervous. Well, she makes ME nervous!  
  
"Are you going to just stand there, or are you going to introduce us?" she asked in her strict, angry voice. I blushed bright red.  
  
"Err, sorry Granny," I said. I grabbed the sleeve of Percy's t-shirt and pulled him forward. "This is Percy, and this is Oliver," I said, pointing to Ollie, who had stepped off of the sofa and was now sitting on it, head resting in his hands.  
  
"Oh. Well it's a pleasure to meet you both," Granny mused, shaking Percy's hand after he extended it out automatically. Like a frickin' robot. Hahaha. "Anywho, Darby, I just wanted to say hi, and see if you guys were doing okay. Oh, and bring you this!"  
  
She held something up.  
  
That little something was my pajamas. The dorky ones.  
  
Horrifying, no?  
  
Anyways, I was just thinking about that.  
  
12:24 PM  
  
Ho hum. I'm bored as heck. Lunch is some sort of pot pie or something that looks in a remote way the same.  
  
Anyways, I reminded Ollie and Percy of the thing with Granny Davis. Ollie found this shockingly hilarious. And even Percy, in his reserved sense of humor and whatnot, cracked a smile.  
  
Well, actually, Oliver didn't just find it hilarious. I think I recall the gushing of pumpkin juice from his nose. Hilarious mental pictures ensue.  
  
3:46 PM  
  
Hahaha. Hilarity in Potions today!  
  
Snape was showing us how to make a potion to show us how to cure warts or something else. All of a sudden he dropped his chalk that he was using to write on the blackboard, so he bent over to get it.  
  
Well, somehow, Oliver managed to throw something at him, and he fell over and hit his head on his desk! We all started snorting, and Snapey-poodles didn't even know he threw it, hahahaha!  
  
So Snape gets up of the ground, whirls around and says "STOP LAUGHING THIS INSTANT!" but by then even the somber old Slytherien house is rolling and hooting and pounding their fists on the tables, much like the Gryffindors!  
  
I'm choking with laughter just thinking about it!  
  
4:57 PM  
  
I was in the common room, with my reading glasses on, and Harry Potter comes in.  
  
"Oh my god! It's Harry Potter!" I crowed in a sarcastic tone, then flashed him a gleeful smile. So he paused a minute and gave me a hesitant grin, blushing. "Hey! Don't be shy! You can talk to me! I'm not crazy!" I screamed as he walked up to his dorm.  
  
Hahaha.  
  
Then Oliver walked in. I shut my book (I don't even remember what it was) and removed my glasses, sitting up so he could sit next to me.  
  
"Hey there, homeskillet," I greeted. He smiled back at me.  
  
"Hi Darby," he said simply, sitting down next to me. "What's up?"  
  
"I think I just convinced the Boy Who Lived I'm on drugs with one simple gesture," I informed him with a depressing sign.  
  
"I bet that wasn't too hard," he mused. I crossed my arms.  
  
"I don't think that's very funny, Mr. Wood!" I spat.  
  
"Come on, I was just joking," Oliver said gently, patting my hand. I smiled back at him.  
  
"I know, Ollie. And besides, I am weird," I added with a reluctant sigh.  
  
"Happens to the best of us," he replied, looking at his foot on the coffee table.  
  
"So, what's up?" I asked, pulling at the end of my ponytail holder. Oliver frowned.  
  
"Well, I asked Casey if she wanted to go get a butterbeer in Hogsmeade tomorrow," he said softly.  
  
"Oh my gosh!" I yelped. "Is that tomorrow?"  
  
"Yeah. Anywho, she goes 'I thought you just wanted to go to the dance together! I'm sorry!' And so I guess she just dumped me, when we weren't even dating!" Oliver exclaimed.  
  
"Oh, sweets, I'm so sorry!" I said, leaning my head onto his shoulder and putting an arm around him.  
  
"Ah, it's okay," he said quietly. "She wasn't really my type." I sat up.  
  
"Since when do you have a type?" I asked with a small laugh.  
  
"I don't know," he said with a shy smile.  
  
Heehee.  
  
7:59 PM  
  
I don't know if I'm actually dating Derrick or not! Defying logic is what I do, correct? But he's so sweet and I don't want to upset him.  
  
I don't know what I want!  
  
9:31 PM  
  
Is it bad to frequently change your mind? I hope not! 


	21. The Dangers of Corn and Pepper

L Not Crazy-Just Different! The Hogwarts Diary of Darby Clover Holliwether  
  
October 13th  
  
10:39 AM  
  
Wow, it's been a long time since I last wrote. Well, only eight days. But since this little baby keeps me sane, that alone seems like an eternity to me.  
  
Sigh. Sammy and Chandler said that we could have the same sleeping arrangements as last time. Ollie in my bed. Percy in the guest room. And me on the couch, how unfair. But I guess it's all right, as long as they get to go with me.  
  
Life is so mediocre sometimes.  
  
11:04 AM  
  
Hmm. I'm so, so hungry! Why can't they serve food before noon? That's what we used to do in my Muggle schools before I came to Hogwarts. I didn't mind eating early.  
  
Listen to Darby whine over trivial things. Hahaha. That has to be, like, well, not fun? I'm such a blonde sometimes, and I don't even really have hair that is THAT blonde! Now listen, Darby. Why are you talking about your hair at a time like this?  
  
At a time like what? Ah well. Anyways, the point is that even though I tried to convince myself that I don't like Percy. And for a while, I managed to convince myself that he has faults! It just didn't work!  
  
See, I can never convince myself. Maybe I shall have Ollie help me out with this.  
  
He'll know what to do! He always has crushes, and within one day he's totally over them. Then again, he tries to make a move on them sometimes and gets rejected! Haha. Oh well. Who would reject Oliver Wood, the charming Gryffindor Quidditch captain?  
  
Someone with half a brain; that's who. Now listen to me, acting like a swooning first year. He's just my friend! Eeek.  
  
Okay, must go. My hand is starting to get a cramp.  
  
2:14 PM  
  
Didn't eat very much lunch today. I hate chicken fried steak sometimes, today being one of them. It just didn't sound any good today.  
  
I picked at the corn that came with it after dousing it in pepper. Percy and Oliver stared at me, Percy with his arms folded, and Oliver with a large chunk of the chicken on his fork.  
  
I didn't notice at first, until Percy spoke up.  
  
"Uh, Darby?" he asked suddenly, leaning forward.  
  
"Yeah. Yeah. I'm listening," I said. A deafening pause, and then:  
  
"Darby, what are you doing?" Percy queried, staring at me oddly.  
  
"What?!" I asked, hands flying to my cheeks. "Is there something on my face?"  
  
"No, Darby," Oliver mused irritably. Lately he's gotten a little snippy. Must be the Cup, even though that's a LONG way away! Or maybe he's just PMSing. Oh, wait, never mind. That would just be wrong. Haha.  
  
"Well what is it then?" I practically shrieked.  
  
"Darby, we love you right? And we would never do anything to make you look like an idiot intentionally. You know what, right?" Percy said.  
  
"Yeah, of course I do!" I said, scooping up some pepper-covered corn. Oliver turned away and his shoulders shook with laughter.  
  
"Well, what I mean to tell you is, that's not pepper; it's ground up beetles," Percy said meekly, but just at the instant I shoveled corn into my mouth. I chewed for a second, before his words fully sank in. This was also just as Penelope walked over and sat down next to a vaguely disgusted Percy.  
  
The full effect of his words hit me as I continued to chew. My eyes bugged out of my head, and I began to choke and wheeze. Penelope, Percy and Oliver leaned away from me as fast as they could. I couldn't work up the nerve to spit out the offending food.  
  
Suddenly the full beetle-ish taste hit me like a ton of bricks, and I spat out the atrocious corn like it was cloaked in acid.  
  
"Sheesh, Darby," Ollie muttered. I folded my arms.  
  
"Sheesh, Oliver," I mocked. "What is with you lately? It's like you've got some sort of aggression issue going on here!" Percy and Penelope looked on helplessly.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?!" he exclaimed.  
  
"You know exactly what that means!"  
  
"Shut up, Darby. I'm not in the mood," Oliver sighed.  
  
"Don't you DARE tell me to shut up!" I barked back.  
  
"I will tell you to shut up, you freak!" The words tumbled out of Oliver's mouth quickly. My mouth dropped open slightly. Penelope put a hand over her mouth, and Percy's eyes grew wide. Everyone must know how much I hate being called a freak. "You can't even tell when it's not pepper that you're putting on your food!"  
  
"Okay, fine. A, it looked exactly like pepper! And B, you're just a dumb jock! I bet you don't even know what seven cubed is!" I shouted. People were staring at us now, but all I saw was Oliver's exasperated face, which was so different from his usually calm expression.  
  
"I am NOT a dumb jock! And even if I am, at least I'm not a cold, heartless psychopath!" Oliver bellowed back at me. With that, anger surged within me, and I slapped him as hard as I could before dumping his glass of water over his head.  
  
With that, I grabbed up two cornbread muffins and nodded to Percy and Penelope in a gesture of saying goodbye, before ultimately walking out the door in haste, walking to Herbology as fast as I could.  
  
6:32 PM  
  
After dinner I came up to the common room and sat down to read my copy of some book that Percy says I'll like. I was about to sit down on the sofa without looking until I heard a whimper.  
  
It was Oliver, lying down on the couch, asleep. He was thrashing along and groaning and stuff like that. I sat on the coffee table and pulled the blanket he was lying under up over his shoulders.  
  
He looked really pathetic, lying there and practically convulsing under his flannel blanket. I scooted the coffee table up as close as it would go to the couch and just sat there for a few minutes watching him. It was kind of depressing, if you asked me.  
  
So, being the sympathetic girl that I am, I put a hand on his shoulder and shook him gently, trying to get him to wake up.  
  
At last, he blinked his eyes open and stared at me through bleary eyes.  
  
"Hey," I said softly.  
  
"Uh, hi," he said, looking away a little bit, trying to find a way to escape my looks. I frowned dully.  
  
"Oliver, I'm not going to dump water on you again. I'm sorry, okay?! I didn't mean what I said, okay?" I whined a little.  
  
"It's 343," Oliver mused quietly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Seven cubed. It's three hundred and forty three," he repeated. "It-well, it took me 15 minutes to solve that. I'm not so good at math," Oliver admitted, looking sheepishly up at me.  
  
"Oh. Wow," I said lamely, surprised that he had actually taken the time to prove me wrong. "I-well, you know how when I get mad I say stupid things," I explained stupidly.  
  
"Yeah. I know."  
  
"I heard you. You were having a nightmare or something."  
  
"Oh. Yeah, I was," he confessed glumly.  
  
"Do you want to tell me about it?"  
  
"Well, I dunno. It was just scary." He looked like a little boy just then, and it sort of freaked me out. "I mean, I don't know what happened. It was just creepy."  
  
"I know how that goes," I agreed. An awkward pause.  
  
"Darby, I'm sorry I said you were heartless," Oliver said finally.  
  
"Oh," I said pathetically and softly.  
  
"You're sweet, and I know that you truly care about people."  
  
"Well, you aren't a dumb jock either, Ollie," I said quietly. "I mean, you know things that I don't, even if they aren't like academic kinds of things."  
  
"Uh, okay," Oliver said, blushing. I grinned and ruffled his hair.  
  
"Well, um, I'm so sorry about the water I dumped on your head."  
  
"And the slap."  
  
"Yes. Yes, I'm sorry about the slap also," I mumbled, staring at my hands in my lap.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Oliver said gently. "Remember that time, in second year, where we got in a fight and so I pulled your hair?" I chuckled.  
  
"Of course I do. But then again, I did say Quidditch was stupid."  
  
"Well, you were lying, right?" Oliver asked, getting sidetracked.  
  
"I guess so." Ollie smiled and patted my arm.  
  
"It's all right. Percy doesn't like Quidditch either," he reminded me.  
  
"It's because of his brother, right?" I said stupidly. "Because his brother was so good at it and his parents were so impressed and proud of him for it?"  
  
"I guess so," Oliver said in the same tone I had used before. "Darby, Percy feels overshadowed by his siblings. Even the twins, who aren't as smart as he is, but everyone can't help but like them." I nodded.  
  
"Yeah." There was another pause. "Well, I'm sorry I woke you up."  
  
"Ah, it was no problem," Oliver said.  
  
"I'll go, so you can go back to your nap. Anyways, I've got some homework too," I said.  
  
"OK. See ya later," he said cheerfully, lying back down. I waved and I walked up the stairs, and that's where I am now.  
  
9:20 PM  
  
Oh my gosh! Teachers are SO inhumane sometimes. How can they stand to know that homework makes little kids like us suffer?! 


	22. Truth or Dare, Darby?

Not Crazy- Just Different! A Diary, by Darby Holliwether, 5th Year Gryffindor  
  
9:18 AM  
  
Yay! Ollie and I made arrangements with Percy and Penny. After everyone leaves dinner, we're going to play truth or dare in the Great Hall. Is that fun sounding or what?!  
  
Well, when it comes to truth or dare, I'm kind of the wussiest person you'll ever play with, although I come up with good questions and dares.  
  
I wouldn't mind kissing Percy or Ollie. Or anything of the sort. But if they try to make me kiss Penelope, I will leave. Haha.  
  
Professor Binns is droning on about the persecution of witches throughout history, which we cover practically every year. Why? That's a good question.  
  
Anyways, Oliver is reading Gone With the Wind intently, this time hiding it amid his stuff on his desk. Percy is scrawling a love note (no doubt) to Penny in that lacy handwriting of his. People may have said it was girly, but he didn't care, especially because it was neat.  
  
It's sort of funny that all of our handwriting is so different. Oliver's is kind of blocky and hurried, even when he writes slowly. Percy's is neat, small and sort of curly. And of course, mine is scratchy with sharp curves. Weird. I think I'm analyzing this way too much.  
  
Haha.  
  
Oliver has just hurriedly stoop up and moved over to sit next to me quickly, and Binns didn't even notice! Haha!  
  
Lucky of him. But he's fast; faster than anyone I know.  
  
Anyways, I'm really, really excited about Truth or Dare tonight. Usually I would hate it because Penny will be there. But you know what? I don't care; because nothing will ruin my night! I am making it a point to be happy. I am going to make myself be happy, even if I have to pinch myself into feeling guilty!  
  
I bruise easily.  
  
If I literally pinch myself out of guilt, I better be careful about it.  
  
What sort of problems do I have? Discussing pinching myself with, well, myself! Is it just me or is that the mark of a true, disturbed genius? Am I on the path down the road, ending up where people will say things like "Oh yeah! I remember her; her name was Darby Holliwether! Doesn't she walk through the aisles of the grocery store now, talking to the boxes of laundry detergent?"? Is this what I am going to become?!  
  
I am scaring myself, you know? Sometimes I just take myself so seriously that I get lost, and I see myself as that lady who stumbles around the local grocer's talking to large boxes of Angel Soft.  
  
Sigh. The world's a twisted place.  
  
9:34 AM  
  
Ugh! This is stiflingly boring! Does it get any worse? Well, it could be raining (inside?!), and a dog could be trying to eat my foot!  
  
Now, does that seem a little far-fetched to you? Same here. But it just goes to show you that things can always get worse. And they usually do when someone says "Could this get any worse?!" Maybe I watched to movies in my youth, because I constantly notice that sort of thing whenever I watch movies.  
  
Anywho, this morning, I got a letter from Sammy. She said that Chandler has got a promotion. I don't exactly know what he actually does now, but I think he's still working on sewers and parking lots.  
  
Ah well; if that's what makes my daddy happy, then that's what's good, I guess. See, even if he is so annoying and overprotective sometimes, I love him. I don't mind when he's nice to me, and Sammy, and of course Bizzy.  
  
Yesterday, Sammy thought that Bizzy had gotten out of his cage. I don't know where he might have gone, but apparently Sammy could not see him in the terrarium in my room. Crazy old Sammy. But she's the best mom you could ever ask for, even if she is a little crazy.  
  
I can't help but not be able to concentrate on my work in History of Magic. It's just to hard to do sometimes, what with Oliver nudging my arm and making hilarious faces at me to try to get me to laugh at him (which usually isn't too hard) and Professor Binns' lame droning on as a background noise, which even bores Percy, a class one student. He's a genius. A regular Albert Einstein.  
  
Einstein is an endless sense of fascination to me. His parents thought he was a dolt when he was kid, and then he grew up to be a major scientist dude. I figure that if I can manage to freak people out as a teenager and then grow up to be a genius, I'll have done my part in making the world a more interesting place to be. Or so goes my philosophy, anyways, but it sounds like something Sammy might say to me. She always enforces originality.  
  
4:09 PM  
  
Oh wow! I never thought that I would get SO excited about eating dinner! I think we're having ham tonight, with noodles. Sounds very good, even though I am getting an immense craving for chicken right now. Haha, it makes me sound like I'm pregnant or something like that.  
  
Haha; I can see it now. "Percyyyyy! Will you bring me some salad?!" And I don't even like salad!  
  
You know, my journal is basically a string of random events strung together, centering around a topic of the moment. I like that. It may be totally weird, but I like the sort of different way it's organized.  
  
Truth or dare, very soon! I better bring some mints with me, just in case, if you know what I'm implying, here, wink wink.  
  
Well, I'm going to attempt to find someone who was able to figure out what our homework was in History of Magic, because my lack of interest prevented me from paying attention in the least, haha. Seeya.  
  
9:57 PM  
  
Hahahahaha! It was so much fun!  
  
Well, we drew straws that Penny had made out of paper during History of Magic (apparently she was bored also). Ollie managed to get the longest one, so he was stuck asking a question first.  
  
"Darby, truth or dare?" All eyes swiveled over to look at me. I gave Ollie a sheepish smile.  
  
"Truth."  
  
"That's boring!" Oliver protested.  
  
"Well, I don't want to start things off to radically," I said, a blush creeping into my cheeks. And I don't blush easily!  
  
"Whatever. Okay. If someone you dislike asked you out and you didn't want to go, what would you say?" There was that glint in his eye. The little hint that he was sort of crazy sometimes.  
  
"I'd say 'GET AWAY FROM ME, SICKO!'" I joked, doubling over into laughter. Penny giggled. Oliver snorted and shook his head with an amused smirk. Percy even cracked a smile. "No; I'm kidding. I think I'd just calmly and politely decline."  
  
"Okay. Good answer!" Oliver said in an over-exuberant tone.  
  
"All righty. Percy, truth or dare?" Percy's eyes grew wider than usual and the tips of his ears flushed bright red.  
  
"Uh, truth," he stammered out. I shrugged.  
  
"Okay. If you were going to propose to Penny here, what would you say?" I prompted. Penny giggled nervously and smiled brightly at me. If it was possible, Percy blushed even brighter.  
  
"Well, err, I would say-."  
  
"Don't tell me, tell Penny!" I cut him off.  
  
"I'd say 'Penny, I know that we haven't been together long, but I think you are the most beautiful, smart, wonderfully kind person I've ever known in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?'" Percy said to her, seeming to forget that we were there along with the two of them.  
  
Penelope's eyes welled up and I thought she might cry and say 'Yes Percy! I WILL marry you!' Then again, we are only fifth years, but still, it doesn't matter too much. She gave him a smile and patted his arm. I rested my chin on the table.  
  
"It's your turn," I said finally. Percy's head snapped around to look at Oliver.  
  
"Truth or dare, Ollie?" he asked, still looking at Penny out of the corner of his eye.  
  
"Well, to get things started here, I guess this time I'll follow the crowd and say truth," Oliver said with a wistful sigh.  
  
"Okay," Percy said blankly, obviously without any ideas. I smiled faintly. Penny leaned over and whispered into his ear. "Uh, if you were stranded on a desert island and you could have one person of the opposite gender there with you, who would it be?"  
  
Oliver grinned. "I guess Darby because she's my best friend of 'the opposite gender,' as you put it," he said, complete with finger quotes. I smiled again.  
  
"All right, Oliver, it's your turn!" Penny prompted.  
  
"'kay. Penny, truth or dare?"  
  
"Dare!"  
  
"Oooh!" I couldn't help saying. Penny blushed. Oliver got a satisfied smile. And of course, Percy got nervous. I coughed. "Sorry."  
  
"Moving right along. Penny, you must write 'I love Percy' on your arm. In pen," Oliver said. I smirked. Ollie handed her a pen, and she giggled as she began to write on her right arm.  
  
I snickered wickedly, and Percy blushed. Yet again.  
  
"All right," Penny said uncertainly after recapping the pen and giving it back to Oliver. "Darby, truth or dare?" I chose dare without a moment's hesitation.  
  
"Hmmm. What to do, what to do?" Penny mused. "Ooh! I know!" A devilish grin. "Darby, you've got to kiss Oliver for twenty seconds!" Well, I knew she wasn't going to dare me to kiss her boyfriend, but still, it disappointed me.  
  
I froze. Ollie turned his gaze on me and smiled.  
  
"It won't be so bad. Besides, it's just a game," he reasoned.  
  
"All righty," I agreed reluctantly. I hesitated, but only for a second before smashing my lips on Ollie's. I felt him smile slightly.  
  
His lips were soft and nice, and I didn't mind getting dared to kiss him that much. Suddenly, Percy and Penny began to count to twenty. Oliver's kissed lots of girls. I should know; we've all played truth or dare numerous times (well, 'us' excluding Penelope, and including Oliver's current girlfriends).  
  
We continued to play after this. Percy had to eat a finger-full of the beetles like I did yesterday. Penny had to let Percy write his name on her forehead. Ollie had to kiss Percy on the cheek. Which was quite funny.  
  
But the real surprise came later, when I was leaving. Penny came up to me and caught me by the arm and looked me right in the eye.  
  
"Are you dating Oliver?" she asked. My jaw dropped.  
  
"No, Penny!" I insisted. Oh my gosh! It was SO humiliating!  
  
"Are you sure? That was no normal kiss there between friends!" Penny observed.  
  
"Yes. I'm sure." And with that I waved goodbye and walked up to my dorm room. 


	23. I Can Read the Future With Paper and Pen...

Not Crazy-Just Different The Continuous Saga of Darby Holliwether  
  
October 23rd  
  
9:24 AM  
  
It's a day off today. I don't know why. But hey, a day off is a day off, right? I cannot complain.  
  
Anyways, it's been a little while (understatement I guess) since I wrote last. I've been thinking a lot. About what Penny said and everything. Sheesh.  
  
I think I will go talk to Oliver.  
  
10:59 AM  
  
Went down to the common room to talk to Ollie. He was sitting on the couch in his pajamas and was staring at Gone With the Wind with a bewildered look on his face.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked softly. He jumped a foot in the air and then looked at me. His eyes were red and puffy.  
  
"I just finished the book," he explained quietly, scrubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his t-shirt.  
  
"It made you cry?"  
  
"Yeah. So?"  
  
"I dunno. I just didn't think you would," I said lamely.  
  
"Oh. Well, I did. Because even though she realized at the end that she loved him, he walked away anyways," Oliver replied. I dusted away a lingering tear on the bottom of his chin.  
  
We sat silently in a tense silence.  
  
"Well, did you learn a little something about romance?" I asked finally. He nodded in a bubbly way. Another pause.  
  
"Do you think I'm a pansy?" Ollie asked suddenly. I stared at him with a bewildered look on my face (well, of course I couldn't see it, but I'm sure I looked bewildered, okay?).  
  
"Now, why would I think that?" I hid my surprise at this question quite well, if I do say so myself.  
  
"Because it seems like all I do is get pissed or cry now," he murmured, his head in his hands, fluffing his hair. "Like a girl," Oliver added, semi- bitterly. "No offense."  
  
"None taken," I replied calmly. "No. I don't think you're a pansy. You're just a teenager. We all have mood swings, right?" I paused in grim realization. "I sound like a guidance counselor."  
  
"Ah. It's okay," Oliver let this go gracefully.  
  
"Penny thinks we're dating!" I blurted loudly. Oliver's head snapped around to look at me. I realized this error and turned BRIGHT red.  
  
"WHAT?" he demanded. I rested my hands on my head. "When?"  
  
"After truth or dare," I said, my face flaming.  
  
"What did you tell her?"  
  
"Sheesh, Oliver. What do you THINK I told her?" I said, exasperated. His face flushed.  
  
"Um, no?" he suggested in a question. I smirked.  
  
"Yeah. It freaked me out. I mean, we're just friends, right?"  
  
"Best friends," Oliver added, absently, staring out the window. I smiled softly and leaned my head on his shoulder. He tensed a little.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked after a few tensely quiet seconds and sitting up.  
  
"Nothing. It's just that, well, you know Quidditch is starting up pretty soon, right?"  
  
"Oh, I see. Well, let me rub your shoulders, okay?"  
  
"Darby, don't," he said weakly.  
  
"No. I'm going to. You need it, okay?" I said firmly. Ollie frowned but moved to sit on the coffee table, which was shoved up against the sofa. I rubbed his shoulders.  
  
"So, you still need a Seeker, right?" I asked timidly.  
  
"We sure do," Ollie muttered angrily. "And we'd win too, if we had one!"  
  
He tends to get a little too emotional about this.  
  
"Okay. No need to get all excited about it," I said grimly. "You'll find one, right?"  
  
"Why, you know anyone?"  
  
Apparently he forgot that I don't know anyone else who plays Quidditch besides him, and maybe Percy's brother. Either way, does that help me? Nah.  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, okay," he said, closing his eyes.  
  
"Don't worry!" I crowed. "Be happy!" Ollie forced a smile.  
  
"Okay, I'll try," he said reluctantly.  
  
"Good, that's what I wanted to hear," I said in a chipper voice. "Now, what do you want to do?"  
  
"Let's play MASH again," Oliver said. "Remember how we did that at your house this summer?  
  
"But we're in school now. Why not just go ask Trelawny who we'll marry or whatnot?" I suggested. His face crumpled a bit. "I'm just joking."  
  
So we went to our schoolbags and took out a piece of parchment and our quills and began writing out the game.  
  
CHOICES:  
  
Husbands: Percy, Oliver, and Derrick.  
  
Cars: Porsche, Mustang, Mercedes.  
  
Colors: Red, Green and Blue.  
  
Number of Kids: 2, 3 and 4.  
  
Job: Lawyer, Interior Designer and Housekeeper.  
  
Location: Kansas, Maine and Maryland (I plan to move back to the US of A after I get old enough).  
  
Honeymoon: Austria, Japan and Alaska.  
  
As soon as Ollie and I had finished, and I marked the number I wanted to use, he passed me his game and I exchanged mine with his. He smirked as he read mine over, and after I stopped looking at him, I looked down at what he had written.  
  
Wives: Penny, Casey and Darby.  
  
Cars: Corvette, Chevy and Honda (I usually have to suggest cars for him because he doesn't really know much about cars).  
  
Colors: Silver, Yellow and Black.  
  
Job: Quidditch Player, Minister of Magic or Video Game Tester (we played Mario Kart one time and he fell in love with all things Nintendo).  
  
Location: Greenland, Ireland and London.  
  
Honeymoon: Hawaii, Austria and Australia.  
  
Soon, I had narrowed it down to the fact that he'd be driving a black Corvette, he'd be a Quidditch player, he'd live in Greenland and his honeymoon was to Austria, not to mention his apartment.  
  
But who was he going to be marrying?  
  
Me: Darby Holliwether. His gal pal.  
  
But it gets more confusing.  
  
My results read: Blue Porsche, 3 kids, Lawyer, Maryland, House and then, my husband was (you guessed it): Oliver.  
  
Can you believe that?  
  
3:26 PM  
  
Penny and Percy and Ollie and I are going to play tag in the hallways of the school.  
  
It may seem incredulously juvenile, but hey, what can you do? It'll be fun!  
  
Anyways, write to ya later.  
  
8:40 PM  
  
Heehee. Just got back from playing tag. We started at 5:48 (I had my watch on) and played up until now.  
  
My ribs hurt so bad now! Running always does that to me.  
  
If you'll pardon me, I'm gonna go to sleep and wake up at noon tomorrow. 


	24. An Unfortunante Event in Hogsmeade

Not Crazy-Just Different The True Tale of D.C. Holliwether  
  
October 29th  
  
3:07 PM  
  
Sorry I haven't written all day, and for a while before that. I have been busy, yet again with mountains of homework and the like. School sucks. But of course, that is the most underrated sentiment ever heard of. Or at least to me it is, but I guess you may have concluded now, journal, that I am not the usual person.  
  
Ah well. The point is that I'm here now, and I am going to tell you about a very exciting event that took place recently.  
  
Two days ago, we went to Hogsmeade. It was fun, as it is quite usually. Went to the candy store and practically bought out the place. Sure, they may not sell Jolly Ranchers, but how can you refuse Chocolate Frogs when they're placed right in front of you? Why don't you try it, and then try to turn away and resist the creamy, milky chocolate taste? It's impossible!  
  
Hang on. Must have Chocolate Frog. Right now.  
  
Anywho, I must let you know that when I have too much sweet stuff, I do really weird things. Like leaping onto a table, knocking over Percy's Butterbeer and breaking into a stirring rendition of 'Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong.'  
  
I'm not proud of this, but it gets worse.  
  
It was just then that I slipped and fell off of the table, landing on my tailbone, again. What is the matter with me?! Does my rear end have some magnetic thing that makes it drawn to the ground? Was it implanted when I was a baby? I am scaring the living crap out of myself, just FYI.  
  
Then Oliver and Percy each took one of my hands and helped me struggle to my feet, as Penny frantically wiped up the spilt Butterbeer. I continued to swear under my breath. So naturally, a lot of people heard me.  
  
I sat down at the table and slammed my head down on it in fury over my idiocy. I seriously am beginning to think that I have SEVERE emotional and/or mental problems.  
  
Also, I got the notion that a few people were freaked out by sugar-induced antics.  
  
Anyways, when it was time to return back to Hogsmeade, I went back and bought more candy, and decided that I should hide it in this wooden box under my bed. What fun! I mean, it's always fun to have a 'stash,' unless you eat it on the first day you put it all together.  
  
So Percy and Oliver were doing this hilarious, and sadly accurate too, imitation of me as we stumbled up the stairs, me snorting and squeaking as I laughed like a maniac. As soon as we had gotten into the common room, Percy said he was going to go study or something.  
  
And then Oliver and I sat on the sofa and tried to make conversation as I nibbled the ends off of select Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans.  
  
I was still as (sugar) high as a kite and I was laughing about something most likely stupider than you ever guessed stupid could be. I had my head on Ollie's shoulder and he had his arm around mine. I had stopped laughing and there was a quiet silence. And it just felt so right to me, and I don't even really know how to explain it.  
  
Ollie is the brother that somebody forgot to give me.  
  
Oh, and journal, I'm sorry if this sounds sappy, but hey. I'm in a sappy mood right now. Deal with it.  
  
4:26 PM  
  
I am bored out of my brain! I think that I might go insane! Ooh, that rhymed! Go me! You know what? Someone should make a song outta that. "I am bored out my brain! Yo, yo! I think I might go insane!" It could be like a rap!  
  
Or then again, MAYBE NOT!  
  
Wow, I can imagine myself as an adult. Can you see that, now? I'll probably go live in a big tree house in the tropical rainforest. And I'll blast punk rock music all day long and live off of funnel cakes and cotton candy and milkshakes. I'll have no responsibility or anything of the sort. Sigh. It'd be great.  
  
But sadly, that will not happen. Somewhere along the line I will grow up and be normal like the rest of the population. I'll wear cardigans and have a pet goldfish and go to the grocery store once or twice a week.  
  
But what fun is that?!  
  
7:48 PM  
  
Was in the common room talking to this first year, Hermione Granger. She may be a real smarty pants (for lack of a more mature term), but she's nice enough, and pretty good company, for a first year.  
  
It all began when I returned from dinner and flopped onto the couch. Percy and Ollie and Penny were going to play truth or dare, yet again, but I decided to take a rain check, since I'm just not in the mood to see Penelope and Percy kissing like they need to share oxygen.  
  
Ugh, didn't need that image.  
  
Anyways, I was sitting with my hands over my head, and I was all happy and mellow, which as you may have noticed doesn't happen to me very much. It was just then that someone said suddenly "Hi."  
  
I didn't exactly know why someone I didn't even know was talking to me. I removed my hands from over my eyes.  
  
"Hey! What's up?" I said in an exuberant tone to the girl with the brown hair standing next to my couch (I claimed it around 2nd year and have called it 'my' couch every since).  
  
"Oh, well, not much," she said quietly. "I hope you don't mind me talking to you. I've seen you around and you obviously didn't run away shouting once I started talking to me." I smiled.  
  
"Likewise." I put my hand out. "The name's Darby. Darby Holliwether." She shook it.  
  
"Hermione Granger."  
  
"Oh, you're a first year, right?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"That's cool. I was a first year once," I said, not really thinking.  
  
"You don't say?" she asked. I smiled.  
  
Anyways, we had a nice talk. She's friends with Percy's little brother and Harry Potter. That kid I scared the crap out of. Haha. Being a freak really pays off.  
  
10:22 PM  
  
Oliver just got in a while ago. He was telling me how Percy and Penny had to kiss for five minutes. Please excuse me while I go hurl. Preferably in Ollie's shoes for bestowing that lovely bit of data upon me. 


	25. The Mischief Night Plan

Not Crazy-Just Different The Continuing Saga of Teen Angst (written by DC Holliwether)  
  
October 30th  
  
7:39 AM  
  
It's Mischief Night, it's Mischief Night! And that also means that it's almost Halloween! We got the day off, thank goodness. Today and tomorrow. Umm. Is it bad that I had a dream last night about a certain person? Well, goodness gosh golly. I don't know if Percy would freak out if he knew that I like him or not. It's bothering me though.  
  
I am a complete psychopath. I think I should be on some STRONG dose of medication!  
  
Anyway, I can't really think of anything really all that smart to say.  
  
Received a letter from Sammy last night. She says she and Chandler are considering going out of town for two weeks. Woo-hoo. They said that they were going to let Bizzy stay with Granny Holliwether.  
  
Now, take a second to imagine this. An old, somewhat frumpy old lady, not to mention a semi-grumpy old man (Grandpa Holliwether) taking care of a little iguana who has grown quite accustomed to the love and energy of a fifteen year old girl.  
  
Does that bother anyone else?  
  
I'm so mean.  
  
9:15 AM  
  
Gag me! I hate school. But you know what? If it took me so long to establish that, then that's kinda pathetic.  
  
See, what happened was all of a sudden, I just got totally sick of it. Of writing, of hurrying to classes so Snape can yell at me to sit down when I hurt my tailbone, and especially of seeing everyone 24/7!  
  
Whoa. That was such a bitter statement there. That was angry Darby there, people. You know, I try to stay upbeat a lot, but sometimes I just can't help being evil.  
  
Wah hahaha.  
  
Am going to whine and complain to Percy and Ollie now. Ta-ta.  
  
11:07 AM  
  
Walked down the stairs to the common room and flopped onto the couch next to Percy, who was playing Wizard's Chess with Ollie. They both turned to look at me briefly, before turning quickly back to their game.  
  
"I take it you're PO'ed at someone?" Oliver suggested dryly, deep in thought as what piece to play.  
  
"Darby? Angry at another student? Never!" Percy said sarcastically.  
  
"No, I am not angry at anyone at this school," I said, leaning my head back on the arm rest on the sofa.  
  
"Well, there is a first."  
  
"No. I am mad at the whole school!" I cried emotionally.  
  
"Cheer up, Darby. The whole school could be mad at YOU." Oliver always has some strange comment that actually makes sense. He's quite poignant at times. Hey, cool! Big word!  
  
"You're right. Anyways, sorry for interrupting," I said.  
  
"That reminds me of a joke," Percy mused. Now, you may not think that Percy knows any jokes. Or has any trace of sense of humor, I guess. But once you get to know him, he can really make you laugh sometimes. He is just unbelievably shy.  
  
"Well, do tell," I said, sitting up. "Hmm. That rhymed." I've got issues over things that rhyme.  
  
"Ok. Knock, knock," Percy began. I was beginning to catch on a little.  
  
But in unison, Oliver and replied "Who's there?"  
  
"An interrupting cow." He was smiling like he had just won a million Galleons. Or married Penny. Or became Head Boy. Or anything else he might like. No, Head Boy (notice it is in capitals) would top it all.  
  
"An interrupting-."  
  
"MOO!" Percy shouted. He rolled over on the couch, wheezing and panting. I couldn't help it. It was just that fact that Percy was freaking out over some old joke. I doubled over in laughter and accidentally smacked my head on his shoulder. Oliver stared at the two of us like we were a pair of loons.  
  
Mayhaps we are!  
  
"That was a good one," Ollie said quietly.  
  
By then, we were unstoppable. People were staring at us like we were highly disturbed, which might be quite true. Percy and I just could not stop laughing. I was rocking back and forth, continually smacking my head on his shoulder. It wasn't often that Percy the perfect prefect (hey, I just realized how close those two words are in spelling! WOW!) lets loose in front of people that he doesn't know.  
  
Suddenly, Dumbledore and Cornelius Fudge entered the common room, wands drawn. "ALL RIGHT! LISTEN UP!" Dumbledore said loudly. "Now, we can do this either the easy way, or the hard way, Potter!"  
  
"What is up with this, my man?" Harry Potter says, standing up. He's stumbling around and stuff. "Ya gotta believe me, I have no idea what you're implying!"  
  
"Sorry, fella, but this is the way that it has to be," Fudge says, as the Azkaban SWAT team enters our common room. The grab him by the arms, snap a pair of handcuffs on his wrists, and then the cops pull up in their squad cars and drive him off to the station.  
  
Okay, okay. You caught me. That didn't really happen.  
  
But I just got really bored with what I was writing, and it all went off on a wild goose chase from there. And to think that it ended with the new Hogwarts golden child getting hauled off!  
  
Well, what really happened was that for about five minutes, Percy and I couldn't contain ourselves. I was holding his arm for support because if I were to let go I would topple off of the sofa and do a face plant right on the carpet.  
  
Ouch. Carpet is supposed to be soft and cushy, but gosh, that would hurt!  
  
I couldn't breathe, so I finally had to stop. I leaned on Percy's shoulder. His face was flushed, and he took a deep breath. There were tears of laughter on his cheeks. I handed him a Kleenex and sat up.  
  
A shining moment of hysterical humor, my friends.  
  
4:45 PM  
  
Am very nervous right now. I just ate five chocolate frogs. Gave the cards to Oliver. Not very healthy, I know. But it could be worse, I could be out doing drugs instead of scarfing chocolate.  
  
OK. Me, Ollie, Percy and Penny had a small Mischief Night meeting in the library. We tried to think up some semi-harmless pranks to pull, when Penelope had a shining idea.  
  
So tonight, Oliver is going with Penny to slip some Wizo-Lax (AKA the wizard version of a medication that I do not feel like sharing it's purpose, as it is almost time for dinner, and I'm sure you can conclude what it is, due to the last part of it's name) into Snape's goblet, while Percy and I stage a wicked fight. Snape is on 'fight duty' tonight, meaning any dinner table squabbling will be his to resolve.  
  
Wish me luck!  
  
5:37 PM  
  
It was great!  
  
Penny and Ollie got ready, as Percy and I looked nervously to one another. Soon, the two had slipped away, and Percy and I just stood up.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?!" I screeched suddenly.  
  
"You tell me!" Percy said in a wavering tone.  
  
"Why you little-!" I yelled, finishing by slapping him across the face. Everyone in the hall looked on, interested. Hogwarts loves a fight. And by golly, were they going to get one!  
  
"Don't you slap me!" he yelled back.  
  
"Why?! Can you not take it, you girly-man?!" Gosh, was I going to regret this later. He looked like I had slapped him again.  
  
"Well, at least ONE of us acts like a girl. We all know it's not you, Holliwether!" It was now my turn to be shocked. And even though we were faking it, it still hurt my feelings.  
  
Snape hurried over to us.  
  
"Break it up! Twenty points from Gryffindor for this RIDICULOUS display!" Snapey-poo yelled. Boy, was he going to get his! Haha. I scowled and sat down, as did Percy.  
  
When Snape had walked away, Penny and Ollie returned.  
  
"Did you do it?" I asked excitedly.  
  
This was at the same time that Percy asked "Am I REALLY a girly man?"  
  
"No, sweetie. It was all for show."  
  
"Oh. Well, what I said was just for show, too."  
  
"Well, we did it," Oliver said with a happy, jack-o-lantern grin. I clapped my hands. Four heads turned to see Snape take a huge swig from his goblet.  
  
Time seemed to slow. His face distorted quickly, and he suddenly stood up as fast as possible and bolted from the Great Hall. The four of us dissolved into laughter.  
  
We are geniuses, no? 


	26. Dazed and Confused

Not Crazy-Just Different The Much Delayed (But I have an excuse, Professor!) Diary of Darby C. Holliwether  
  
December 1st  
  
8:25 AM  
  
Ooh. You're going to kill me, no? Well, I haven't written in a long time, because I went to the Three Broomsticks with Ollie, Percy and Penny. I had this journal with me, as usual. I left it on the table! They just managed to send it back to me today.  
  
Well. In the last month, Penny and Percy have continued to kiss like largemouth bass. Oliver is still, well, Oliver. He's now reading the book 'Dracula' that I gave him to regain some of his dignity.  
  
There was a troll down in the dungeons on Halloween. We all had to evacuate the Great Hall. Percy got to exhibit his natural prefect-ness in escorting us back to the common room. Ollie and I glanced at one another as Percy slipped from being-our-best-friend mode into I'm-the-prefect-and- you're-not mode.  
  
So we went to the common room and sat. Later we learned that Harry Potter, his friend Hermione and *gasp* Percy's little brother confronted the troll and *another gasp* did not die but actually knocked it out. Percy was so peeved about this. He sent his mother a letter about it, but she didn't really write back.  
  
Dum dee dum.  
  
Eighteen days until Christmas break.  
  
Can't wait.  
  
Aack. Snape's looking at me, as usual.  
  
12:09 PM  
  
Eating lunch. Oliver is looking around anxiously. Penny and Percy are holding hands. I am eating my turkey. No one is talking. It's kind of spooky.  
  
1:04 PM  
  
At lunch Oliver turned to me suddenly and asked 'What do you want for Christmas, Darby?' I thought for a moment.  
  
'Um, maybe candy?'  
  
'Candy?' he repeated. 'Darby, dear, I'm not going to buy you 'candy' for Christmas.'  
  
'Why not?' I asked, sort of distraught at this.  
  
'Because 'candy' is not an acceptable gift,' he said seriously. He kept doing these obnoxious finger quotes every time he said the word 'candy.' Percy and Penny looked on with interest.  
  
'Well, what would you suggest?' I asked, semi-annoyed.  
  
'Like, a book or something,' he suggested after thinking for a moment.  
  
'Ooh. I might enjoy a new t-shirt or something,' I said, getting excited.  
  
'Okay. How about you, Perce?'  
  
'I think I should enjoy a new book about Herbology, maybe?' he suggested. Oliver gave him a very odd look and then hesitantly nodded.  
  
'Allrighty,' he said, giving a sigh. 'And you, Penny?'  
  
'I'd like maybe a hat or something?' she said. 'For cold weather.'  
  
'Now, see, guys? Penny has the right idea,' Oliver said happily.  
  
Aaargh. Of course Penny has the right idea. She's trying to brainwash Oliver. I don't know what came over me, but all of a sudden I felt very ill and had no desire whatsoever to discuss this anymore with them.  
  
I pushed my plate away and took a swig of pumpkin juice. They began idly chatting. But I just stared off into space.  
  
Suddenly, in my mind's eye, I began picturing crazy things, things that didn't make any sense. I saw myself winning the lottery. Yes, I thought dazedly, winning the lottery. Then I saw myself buying a waffle restaurant. Mmmm, waffles, my mind mumbled. My lips turned into a large grin as I stared at a spot on the wall.  
  
Then I made more money via my waffle restaurant. I could call it 'Darby's Waffle Stop'. Yeah, the Waffle Stop. So I expanded my waffle business by building one over by where my cousins lived. And then another Waffle Stop. And another.  
  
I was beginning to feel lightheaded. It was just too simple! Win lottery, build waffle joint, and then expand. Retire at age forty, and have financial security. My eyes took on a glazed look.  
  
This is when I seriously thought I was going to grow up and be a gazillionaire. I mean, waffles, I could cook those sometimes. And they tasted good, so why wouldn't anyone else want my waffles. I blinked and gave a lopsided smile.  
  
'Darby?' I heard Penny's voice float through my head as I served a heaping stack of waffles to the queen and the president. A blink.  
  
'Wha.?' I asked, very confused. Dazed and confused.  
  
'Um, you just asked Percy if he 'wanted hash browns with his waffles',' Penny said quietly. My cheeks burned as I blushed. I gave a slight smile.  
  
'Oh, did I?' I asked, trying to remain upbeat.  
  
'Yes,' Oliver said, smiling. 'Is there something you'd like to tell us? Have you finally snapped?' I gave a huge sigh.  
  
'Maybe.' All crazy people are rich, right? It would take a demented genius to be the brains behind the Waffle Stop, right?  
  
'Darby, I think that you have a spiked pumpkin juice,' he said. 'Are you ill? I mean, you were just, well, staring out into space vacantly.'  
  
'No,' I said, wiping my eyes. 'I'm just sleepy, I suppose.' And it was gone, just like that. I know I cook up little schemes before I can see them through. I was seriously doubting my sanity right then.  
  
Good lord. I sound like a total moron.  
  
2:31 PM  
  
I'm sitting in Divination with Oliver. He's staring intently at a bowl with tea leaves.  
  
'What does it mean if you see a tree?' I opened my book.  
  
'Wait, let me see that,' I said, picking up the bowl. 'That doesn't look like a tree. I think it's a finger pointing or something.'  
  
'How are you supposed to tell? I mean, you could interpret this in a million different ways!' Oliver said, frustrated and getting angry.  
  
'Ollie, why do we take this class?' I asked suddenly.  
  
'Pssh. I dunno. I'm probably going to drop it next year. So, I only have about half a year left in here,' he said, sounding relieved. I shrugged.  
  
'I suppose I stick around because I have nothing better to do.'  
  
'You could take Muggle Studies,' Oliver suggested thoughtfully. I looked at him blankly.  
  
'Nah. I mean, hmm, I already know that stuff. I *am* a Muggle-born,' I said, trying not to offend him or whatnot.  
  
'Oh yeah,' he said stupidly and looked down into the bowl again. He's been doing that for ten minutes, making 'hmmm' noises every so often.  
  
Remind me to quit this class ASAP.  
  
7:38 PM  
  
I'm really sleepy. Gosh, I've been thinking about what to buy my friends for Christmas. And yes, I am going to buy Penny something.  
  
Penny-Scarf or something like that. Toe socks, perhaps?  
  
Percy-Hmmm. Sweater. Yes. He'd like that.  
  
Oliver-Hot Wheels cars? Yo-yo? Some toy, he'd love that..  
  
What about Sammy and Chandler, though? I guess I'll buy Sammy a new incense burner, and Chandler a really odd-looking candy dish. Over Christmas break, Oliver and Percy and I will go out shopping at the thrift stores and stuff.  
  
I think I'm going to lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling and think about stuff.  
  
Ciao. 


	27. The Chinese Disaster at the Home Front

Not Crazy, Just Different! A Tale of Friendship, Love, Anger and Confusion (The Diary of Darby C. Holliwether)  
  
December 23rd  
  
8:14 AM  
  
Good morning! I am at home, with Sammy, Chandler, Percy and Oliver. Well, actually, Sammy and Chandler are going out Christmas shopping after breakfast. Percy and Oliver's parents sent their presents to us so that we can put them under the tree.  
  
We got here five days ago. The other day, Sammy and Chandler took us bowling. I absolutely suck at bowling. I ended up throwing the ball into the wrong lane and this old bald man yelled at me because I didn't even hit a single pin and screwed up his score.  
  
It was humiliating. I wanted to drop dead on the spot. Oliver and Percy snorted into the sleeves of their shirts, trying not to laugh at their friend but not being able to help them. Ah, but it's OK. I can't really blame them.  
  
I've been up since six thirty. I must be the biggest dunce on the planet, waking up at this ungodly (to some) hour over break. Oliver has been sleeping until eleven. That's, without a doubt, the most un-Holliwether thing on the planet. We're all up before seven on the weekends. Must be some weird genetic thing.  
  
And, as expected, Percy gets up incredibly early. Maybe even earlier then we do. That's just plain odd. He's so 'on top' of things that it's sickening.  
  
Must go. Sammy wants me to come help fix breakfast.  
  
10:07 AM  
  
I was in the kitchen with Sammy, Chandler and Percy. Sammy was pouring pancake batter on her griddle thing. Percy was talking to Chandler about Arithmancy.  
  
"That sounds like a class you might like, Darby," Chandler piped up. I hate talking about my choice of classes with my parental units. I shrugged.  
  
"Actually, I am going to switch out of Divination after Christmas," I said, staring at the table. "I wasn't exactly sure what to take."  
  
"Really?" Sammy asked. "I thought you liked Divination!" I really hated this conversation to extreme amounts. I began picking at my fingernail.  
  
"Actually, ma'am, Divination is not a very good class," Percy informed my mother. "Our professor seems to make things up as she goes along."  
  
"Really? Then they ought to fire her," Chandler said. "It's detracting from the student's education."  
  
Sammy made a small 'hmm' noise. "Darby, why don't you go wake Oliver up?" I sighed, standing up and hurrying from the room. I was really happy to get out of there for some reason. I could hear them chattering behind me in the kitchen.  
  
I opened the door to my bedroom and walked in. "Oliver?" He grunted in his sleep. I knelt next to my bed, where he slept. "Oliver?" I asked again, poking him in the back.  
  
He sat up straight and fast. "What?!" I fell over awkwardly.  
  
"Um, it's time for breakfast," I informed him timidly. His hair was standing up. I bit my lip.  
  
"Yeah. OK," he said, getting out of bed and grabbing his robe off of the chair next to my dresser. I hurried back to the kitchen and sat down, just as Chandler put down the last Orange Julius. I took it that no one staying with us was used to having smoothie-type treats for breakfast.  
  
I plucked a straw from the straw-holder on the table and poked it into my drink. Sammy had a huge plate stacked with pancakes. She sat it in the middle of the table. I sighed and took a few.  
  
I was cutting my breakfast when Chandler said, "So, Oliver, how is Quidditch going for you?"  
  
I half expected Chandler to slap him on the shoulder and yell 'Oliver, my boy, you're a god in this house' and do the same to Percy. My eyes got wide.  
  
"Pretty good, sir," Oliver said. Chandler grimaced. He hates being called sir. "We won our match against Hufflepuff, did Darby tell you?"  
  
"No, actually, she didn't," Chandler responded. I wanted to die right on the spot. I felt very guilty for some reason.  
  
"Must have slipped my mind," I said quietly, staring at my drink.  
  
Breakfast, for me, was pretty quiet after that. Lucky me.  
  
3:09 PM  
  
Oliver, Percy and I went down to the corner store to stock up on Muggle candy while Sammy and Chandler were out. Sammy does not believe in eating too much candy. She makes herbal tea for me rather than cookies, like any normal mother would. I don't like it. But hey, green tea helps prevent cancer, or so I heard.  
  
We were sitting in the living room watching a rerun of M*A*S*H and eating our candies. Hawkeye was in some sort of weird predicament. Admittedly, I wasn't paying much attention.  
  
"I don't get it," Oliver said suddenly.  
  
"Hmm? How do you mean, Oliver?" I asked.  
  
"Well, in all the episodes where someone is sick or hurt, they always go to the hospital with one of their friends. Always!" he explained.  
  
Percy got a thoughtful look on his face.  
  
I shrugged. "You know, I didn't write it," I told him. "But there's not much I can do about it. The show's been over for nearly twenty years."  
  
"Really?" he asked, looking earnestly surprised.  
  
I nodded.  
  
"Not that I don't like 'television for the insane,' but can we maybe do something?" Percy queried. Oliver and I exchanged a glance.  
  
"Uh, we can take bikes to the mall. We can go explore in the woods. We can prank call defenseless people. I have a Ouija board, which lets you contact the dead." I gave them a questioning look. "Stop me at any time."  
  
"How about we go for a walk?" Percy suggested. "In the woods."  
  
"Oh, cool. We can go to this old tree house thing," I suggested as we trekked down our stairs to the coat closet near the garage.  
  
Soon we had gotten all bundled up in scarves and coats and gloves. I snapped a few cans of pop out of the fridge in the garage (which is there for situations such as these) and put them into my coat pockets.  
  
And then we strolled down the hill in my backyard to the edge of the woods. I handed them both a can of pop.  
  
The tree house was not close to our house. It took us about fifteen minutes to get there, and the whole time, Oliver was whining about how cold it was outside. It took us another few minutes to shimmy through the little door in the side after stumbling up the old rope ladder.  
  
Finally we were all sitting in a circle in the tree house, huddled close because it was so freakin' cold!  
  
All we did was sit around and talk about dumb things, like predicting each other's futures. Apparently, Oliver Wood will be a successful Quidditch player, and Percy Weasley will be Minister of Magic. What about me?  
  
"I think Darby will be some sort of radical, famous lawyer. She's going to go to that Muggle school she's always talking about. And she'll move back to the States and leave us behind forever," Oliver recited.  
  
Percy shrugged. "That sounds about right."  
  
Shrugging, I shook my head. "Nah. I'll probably end up being something else. I mean, Sammy and Chandler and I are not exactly rolling in the bucks, and that school costs loads of money. That's why I need to start thinking of alternatives."  
  
There was a stretch of awkward silence.  
  
"Okay, how did your parents meet?" I asked hurriedly to get rid of the dull quietness of the woods.  
  
"In Hogwarts, of course," Percy said. "It's quite dull."  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"My mum met my dad at the supermarket. My mum is a Muggle, that's why they met somewhere besides Hogwarts," Oliver said matter- of- factly. I nodded in agreement.  
  
"Sammy and Chandler were best friends in high school. They were both seventeen when they graduated. They started dating in sophomore year and got married when they graduated and went to the same college," I recited automatically.  
  
Soon after, the three of us headed back to the house. We've been here for the last hour, playing with Ouija.  
  
8:47 PM  
  
Oh horror! Oh disaster! I fear that I have just alienated my grandparents!  
  
Okay, it all began when Sammy told us all that we were being forced to go out to eat tonight with Grandma and Grandpa Holliwether! So we decided to go to this expensive Chinese restaurant.  
  
The meal went fine, despite some upsetting silence from Percy and Oliver (who were disturbingly quiet). When it was time to leave, I don't know, the safety pin that was holding shut a small hole in Percy's sweater got caught on the tablecloth.  
  
As you can imagine, as he stepped away unknowingly, the tablecloth just went WHOOSH, right out from under all of the used plates, centerpieces, and half-empty glasses. It was not like a magic trick where everything miraculously stays put. Oh, no.  
  
Everything toppled to the floor, plates and glasses shattering, food splatting onto the floor.  
  
And then the manager emerged from the kitchen, a horrified look up on his face! Percy nearly threw up from shock, which would have been funny, if the situation had not been so utterly horrifying.  
  
Needless to say, even after we volunteered to help clean the place up, we were herded out. Grandma and Grandpa looked utterly mortified. I could almost hear my Christmas gifts smashed to bits.  
  
But, Merlin! To see Grandma's face? Priceless!  
  
10:32 PM  
  
Percy was absolutely crushed by the whole thing. He said nothing the whole way home, despite the fact that Sammy and Chandler were hysterical about the whole thing!  
  
I suppose that the redeeming factor was seeing my mild-mannered, prim and proper Grandpa Holliwether shout "HOLY HELL!" at the top of his lungs.  
  
Ahahaha. I'm laughing just thinking about it. 


	28. Fear and Loathing in the Muggle Shopping...

The Diary of DC Holliwether  
  
December 24th.  
  
11:08 AM  
  
Parents are out shopping, and when they get home, they've decided to take the three of us.  
  
Ugh, woke up in such a bad mood this morning. I had a headache, and again, my hair looked positively awful. Sammy and Chandler were gone when I got up, and Oliver and Percy were sitting in the kitchen, reading the copy of the Daily Prophet that Percy's parent's owl had delivered. They had made waffles too, and there was a place set for me, complete with the can of peanut butter and the little chocolate candies. I can't help it if I enjoyed my waffles in an odd way.  
  
And so I sat down and stared at my plate as Percy loaded it up with a pair of large waffles.  
  
"Did you sleep well, Darby?" Oliver asked, passing the syrup my way as I slathered on the peanut butter.  
  
I shook my head. "No. I don't feel well."  
  
"Duh, what's the matter?" Oliver queried. Oh, okay. He didn't say 'duh', but it sure sounded like that to my angry mind.  
  
Scowling, I began dousing the waffles in syrup and sprinkling the chocolate on. "If I knew, I wouldn't be so angry, now would I?" I snapped without thinking.  
  
He looked hurt.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm in a bad mood. I didn't mean it," I mumbled guiltily.  
  
Snap out of it, Darby!!  
  
12:20 PM  
  
I was sitting on the couch with Oliver, and Percy had actually managed to get some time to himself to write a letter to Penny, full of happy little Christmas thoughts, I'm sure. We were watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and eating red and green M and Ms.  
  
"So, Darby, is this what Muggles do without magic?" he asked me, gesturing towards the TV set. I shrugged.  
  
"Well, of course," I told him after some thought.  
  
Oliver sighed. "No wonder no one knows how they live. A talking reindeer? Honestly."  
  
I ruffled his hair, knowing full well that he hated that more than anything. "Oliver! This is my childhood tradition!" I popped some chocolate into my mouth. I was beginning to feel sick from all that candy, if you want the truth.  
  
[I can't believe I just said that! Bad Darby, bad!]  
  
I coughed a little bit, nearly choking on my candy. Oliver whacked me on the back. "Thank you," I said. "Anyways, if Muggles who knew nothing of wizards and witches knew some of the things that we do, they'd probably be surprised, just as you are of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I mean, we turned a glass into a crocodile in class once. Look me in the eye and tell me that's normal."  
  
He stared at me, leaning close. "It is normal," he insisted. I laughed and shoved him away.  
  
2:39 PM  
  
In the car with Sammy, Chandler, Ollie and Percy. Oliver is talking animatedly about this professional Quidditch match he'd seen. Percy and Sammy, meanwhile, are discussing which classes are better than others. Oh, tear, I'm all alone.  
  
Actually, I don't particularly care. I have thinking to do.  
  
*Shopping List*  
  
For Oliver: Some Muggle toys and a new shirt.  
  
For Percy: New shirt (everyone can use a new shirt, right?) and some classic Muggle literature.  
  
For Sammy: A new lamp for my dear mother.  
  
For Chandler: Uh. I don't exactly know, yet.  
  
Plus, a few things for Bizzy, and myself, of course.  
  
I hate holiday shopping. It's snowing, and I bet that I'll step in a puddle as soon as we get out of the car at the mall.  
  
5:49 PM  
  
Oh, how I despise the mall. When I have children, I'm going to keep them on a leash so they don't trample people's feet.  
  
First, we all split up. Sammy and Chandler were still shopping for us, and my grandparents, and a few more things to mail overseas for my cousins. You see, my parents and grandparents lived overseas 'til I was five. The Grandparents Holliwether decided to move to Britain. Chandler got a job over here when I was six. Thus, we moved over here. Soon after we moved, my other grandparents decided to move over.  
  
Anyways.  
  
The first thing I did was head into the pet store and bought a new light bulb for Bizzy's cage. And a new rock for him as well, because I thought it would be nice for him to get something new.  
  
On to more interesting things.  
  
Next-door is the fantastic bookstore. I ducked inside, careful to not break the light bulb in my bag as I saw Sammy swoop inside of the hair care store. She probably wasn't shopping for me, but whatever.  
  
Swooping a copy of 'the Catcher in the Rye' off of the shelf, I added it to my plastic 'Book Town' basket. For my dad, I plucked a book about bridges off of the shelf, as well as a copy of the 'Grapes of Wrath' for Percy. I had a feeling he might like it. I thought it was pretty unexciting, but Percy was more patient that I was.  
  
After I paid, I went to the electronics store. Bought Sammy a blue lava lamp. I hope she'll like it.  
  
Then I went into the 'vintage' clothes store. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Percy looking hopelessly through the handbags. Probably for Penny. I frowned, feeling sorry that Percy didn't have too much money to spend. The poor dear.  
  
I grabbed up a few polo shirts for Chandler and an old-fashioned black dress for Sammy. Next I picked out a thick, black sweater for Oliver, and a more conservative button-down for Percy.  
  
If you must know, I bought myself a pair of sandals as well.  
  
After I ran the toy store, I nearly dropped my bags as I saw Oliver heading into the jewelry store. Oh my. What did he think he would buy there? Wouldn't Casey be surprised, I thought to myself.  
  
For Ollie, I picked out a remote controlled car. I felt a bit bad that it was a cheap one, but hey. A girl like me has limited funds.  
  
I was about to head back to the car and drive around the parking lot (thank Merlin I got my restricted license in the summer, eh?) when the thought hit me: I should buy something nice for Derrick. So it was into the nice clothing store. I tried to find a cheap enough watch, but the stupid saleswoman behind the counter kept crowing, 'but this is for your boyfriend, no?' in an obviously faked French accent.  
  
Honestly! Some people will go to such huge lengths so sell a nearly penniless fifteen year old girl an expensive watch for her kind-of boyfriend!  
  
My temper got the best of me.  
  
"Look, lady. I'm fifteen. I don't have lots of money. Just let me pick!" I nearly shouted.  
  
In the end, I got tossed out because I couldn't pick something cheap enough, and I was distracting their 'paying customers.'  
  
Hopelessly, I trudged into the clothes store. I ended up buying Derrick a neat little watch and a new pair of shoes, both of which I knew he would enjoy for their Muggle novelty.  
  
Oh yeah. I bought Penny a nice hat. I didn't feel as if I should spend lots of money on someone I don't even really like.  
  
My, my! That was terrible of me to say!  
  
8:09 PM  
  
Oh gosh golly gee. It's snowing outside! How wonderful!  
  
I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.  
  
10:57 PM  
  
Sammy is egging Percy, Oliver and I to our beds. I've been up late wrapping presents, drinking hot chocolate, letting Bizzy play under our tree, and playing a big game of Monopoly.  
  
This is what the holidays are all about, right? My friends, Monopoly and my iguana.  
  
Somehow I don't think this is what normal folk would consider the ideal Christmas, do you?  
  
I simply cannot wait to see what riches and treasures tomorrow shall bring me!  
  
Good night! 


End file.
